So you are in a relationship with the woman you've always dreamt of marrying and everything seems great. She makes you feel loved, your mom approves of her, her friends like you so much, and well, things have been generally amazing. But there's one catch: You haven't saved a centavo since the day you dated her. The result? Your credit card balance's soaring as fast as a rocket because she keeps asking for "gifts."
What should you do—zip your mouth and buy whatever she asks of you or, ditch her so you can enjoy the fruits of your labor by yourself?
To properly address the situation, Dr. Joy-Alvi R. Arañas, RPsy, RGC, counseling psychologist from Pathways Counseling and Assessment Center, suggests you must first know what pushes her to be this way.
He explains: "The bilmoko attitude of women may be attributed to social media, which is where they gather information about current trends, impelling themto acquire so they can feel prestigious."
This becomes problematic, he warns, if she's the type who easily gets jealous of other women's possessions.
We also found out that women have other reasons for acting this way.
Erica, 22, who's been in a relationship for nearly four years now, says she often asks her partner to buy her gifts because "he never bothered buy me presents unless I ask him to do so. Rather than wait for the gods to shower him with initiative and sweetness, I just demand. I'm just like any other woman who likes to receive presents from the man I love."
Meanwhile, Sunshine, 30, married for two years with one kid, says she asks her husband to buy her gifts as her way to make lambing. "He's a seafarer. Those things he buys me are like his physical representation considering his absence."
If you are no longer comfortable with the situation, though, Dr. Arañas recommends discussing the matter with your partner.
"Being honest with her is more acceptable than pretending to be okay with the setup, even if you don't agree with her requests," says Dr. Arañas. By doing this, you can make her aware of your sentiment and help her to break this habit.
Taking a pro-active stance in addressing the situation, the psychologist says, pushes her to focus less on material things and turns her attention to the many ways you express your love for her.
Your conversation with her should emphasize the negative effects of giving in to her demands and how this affects your relationship with each other, Dr. Arañas suggests. "Be assertive and consider the proper timing for a more open dialogue regarding the issue."
To avoid making her feel like she's to blame, always frame your the point you're going to raise using the "I-(state your message)" approach. This way you can center your dialogue on the impact of her behavior more clearly.
Dr. Arañas says your girlfriend's bilmoko practice isn't really something that should be regarded as a dealmaker.
"When you love a person, you should help her grow," he says."If the person is willing to change, and you still love her despite her imperfections, it would be good to think twice before you even consider breakiing up with her."
Dr. Joy Alvi R. Aranas, RPsy, RGC is a counseling psychologist from Pathways Counseling and Assessment Center. For consultation, you can visit him at 718 Sunday Street St. Joseph Village, Panapaan, City of Bacoor, Cavite.