Ah, texting. When it comes to social interactions, it’s unquestionable that this form of conversation has changed the way we do life in general. Relationships are included in the mix, of course, so much that many—if not all—resort to it even when trying to win over a girl.
But what really is the deal about texting and flirting? Can you actually use it to make a woman like you?
“I think it depends on the type of relationship you are going for,” Cassie, 25, shares. “If I’m just going for a ‘casual dating’ kind of scenario, why not? [It] doesn’t sit well with me if I’m looking for a guy I can introduce to my parents though.”
Honey, 21, agrees to some extent. “I have no problem if a guy uses texting as part of the courtship process. Sa panahon ngayon, that’s a given na. But I don’t want it be based only on texting. Personal interactions are still important.”
Why Are Men So Drawn To Texting?
Private practitioner and clinical psychologist Dante Boac explains that texting is an appealing medium for those who are not emotionally-equipped to interact face to face. “There are a lot of people who have social skills deficit. Texting helps pave the way for them to meet and interact with others.”
He also shared that being less expressive is part of the natural brain makeup of men. “A lot of men grew up in a culture where being expressive is not the norm. In contrast, women are three to four times more expressive than guys. This means they can express and grasp emotions better.”
Boac also outlines the advantage and disadvantage of using texting in flirting or, if you want it more old-fashioned, courtship. “The advantage is that it is the middle ground for the less socially skilled. There are less inhibitions (thus, why some women report experiencing getting indecent proposals through text), and more importantly, it lessens the impact of a possible rejection since it is less personal.”
On the other hand, texting is not always recommended because it deprives people the ability to really emotionally connect to someone. He suggests to use texting as a bridge to get to know the person. “But once you get to know the girl, use personal forms of communication as well.”
But Can Women Really Fall In Love Through Text?
Texting may seem like a superficial way of flirting, but according to Relationship Coach Aileen Santos, women actually tend to be attracted to words. “Women connect fast with words. They trigger their emotions.” She explains that this is the reason why ladies love reading romance novels, and why they can easily remember quotes from romantic comedies. “They fall in love with the script.” So if you’re a man who likes to gain the affections of someone using your mighty touchscreen, then by all means, use it well in writing your ‘script’.
Though Santos believes that a face to face interaction is really helpful to any relationship, there are ways that men can actually increase their chances through text. Here are some pointers:
Do use emojis.
Doesn’t sound very manly? Well, your manliness may be irrelevant if the girl you are trying to win over thinks she is talking to an emotionless robot. Santos explains it this way: “When a woman meets a man for the first time, she usually makes assumptions on visual cues like how he walks, how he looks, what his profession is. With texting, you are not always provided these things. And since it is the medium you are using, you have to adapt.”
One of the ways you can is by using emojis. These digital icons express emotions faster than words do sometimes, and can be helpful in making people understand the context of a text more. Girls read body language faster, so consider your favorite digital icons the alternative.
If you need more reasons to drop your shortened words and fancy text characters, it is this. According to Santos, using the full and right spelling denotes intelligence from the texter. Because really, what kind of man still uses ‘hElo’ po nowadays? It also speaks well of the texter’s background and character too. The more intelligent-sounding you are, the more you improve your chances of making a good impression.
Kara, 28, shares, “For me, spelling is a dealbreaker. I’m not a grammar nazi, but I really would prefer receiving texts that won’t take me 10 minutes to understand.”
Define your ‘consistent.’
Ever heard of ghosting? You don’t want to commit that kind of crime. Santos suggests to set your own pace, but there’s a catch. “If you think you can’t manage being consistent with the pace you established, don’t do it.” She says that interacting two times a week is good, but make sure that it is a high engagement type of conversation.
What is high-engagement, you might ask? These are types of conversations where you talk to throughout the day, trying to get to know each other. In other words, not the “Kumusta ka?”-“Okay lang. Hehe.” type of conversation.
Kat, 29, shares how she fell for her fiance through text. “I do most of the talking in text, but he doesn’t give me one-word answers . I could tell he is interested in my stories, and that made me feel at ease about him more.”
When texting, Santos suggests to tap into the imagination of the girl. “Make her imagine through text that you’re just right there, sitting beside her. It can be something like: 'I’m watching the sunset right now, and it made me remember that time we went to the beach.' Or if you haven’t properly met yet, “I’m sitting outside, I wish you’re here.”
Gladys, 28, says that this type of approach is what helped her husband win her over. “I remember he would tell me stories about what he did throughout the day even if I did not ask for it. I never felt he was courting me. It was just two people talking in a normal, face to face setting.”
It’s not always about the frequency, it’s the quality of the engagement that you give them. In the end, it boils down to eight words: Make her fall in love with the script.
Dante Boac is a private practitioner, registered psychologist, and clinical psychologist. Reach him through his website www.psychsphere.ph or visit him at PsYchSphere Psychological Services, Phase1C, Block 1, Grand Royale Subdivision, Bulihan, Malolos Bulacan.
Aileen Santos is a relationship coach, author, and a registered guidance counselor and trainer. She is also a certified professional coach with a Master’s degree in Psychology. Follow her on FB at www.AileenSantos.com.