Sexting is defined as the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photos. Now, it might sound a bit too daring for most Filipino couples, but t’s hard to ignore the fact that it's capable of improving sexual intimacy, at least, among those in serious relationships. If you're curious, it's understandable.
But in a country as conservative (read: repressed) as ours, the subject doesn’t come up easily, even between longtime partners. If you want to initiate the conversation with your girl, you might need to ease her into it. Here are a few tips to get you started:
Test the waters.
Instead of the usual “You look great today,” try taking your compliments up a notch with something like “I couldn’t take my eyes off you all morning.” It’s a little more intimate, but doesn’t cross over sexually aggressive territory. If your partner responds positively, then you know that it’s a conversation worth pursuing. Just time your little sexperiment right. If they’re doing a grocery run—yes, why not? If they’re preparing for a big meeting with their boss, abort immediately.
Keep it fun.
When you do get around to having that conversation, don’t make too big a deal out of it. Keep it light and embrace that inevitable bit of awkwardness head on. In a study of millennials’ attidue towards sexting, researcher Melissa Isabella Meyer reports that millennials generally find sexting to be fun and flirty. If even the conversation sounds too much of a burden, then something’s not right.
But put yourself in her shoes.
Listen to your partner’s concerns. Are they scared that they’ll look and sound stupid? Are they worried about the risk of being found out? Go through each of these with zero judgment. How you handle their questions will give them a preview of how considerate a sexting partner you’ll be.
Protect yourself and your partner.
With great sext comes great responsibility. Just because you and your partner are feeling a little frisky, it doesn’t mean you should throw all caution to the wind. In fact, personality and relationship development consultant Nathaniel Chua classifies it as risky behavior and advises against the whole thing, “especially if you have a reputation to keep.” If you see no harm in it, however, at least try to protect each other’s identities as much as possible. For example, never send or let your partner send an easily recognizable risqué photo. Don’t save those photos either. In this post-Anthony Weiner world, Chua says, “Keep everything within limits.”
FYI, that also means no dick pics.
No means no.
If your partner isn’t comfortable with sexting, respect their decision. Above all else—and yes, even more than the idea of trying out new things—is keeping your partner’s trust. If they can’t even trust you to respect their wishes, how could they even trust you with this?