You’ve probably realized that entering a verbal duke-out with your girl is like joining a contest you will never win. From serious matters to trivial concerns, she can trump you with her sassy one-liners and make you quit with a hysterical crying fit. After all, to win an argument with women, you guys just need to accept that, well, you will never win the argument.
While some might agree to this claim, JPaul Hernandez, international motivational speaker and life coach, explains that women are just more capable of expressing themselves verbally. “Men are not wordy creatures, but it doesn’t mean that we can’t win arguments with women,” he says. “Actually, we can, but we choose to always give way, because oftentimes women just need to say their peace and things will eventually be okay.”
It’s no surprise that men may not be as good with sharing their emotions, and it’s mainly because of how their brains process information. The 2015 sex differences study published on Psychoneuroendocrinology found that compared to women, men are more evaluative and less reactive to negative emotions because their brain is more likely to process signals with reasoning.
But just because both genders process information differently, it doesn't mean that men can’t emerge as a champ when it comes to a verbal argument. Remember, it's not a competition. But sometimes it feels good to emerge victorious.
Get some tips from these real women and learn how to argue your way to success:
The golden rule: listen
We cannot reiterate this enough: “I think men should listen and listen and listen,” says Gelle, 25. Know what’s causing her tantrums before you speak. One mistake and she’ll throw her “You never listen to me!” line.
Don’t rely on your smartphones
Forget about arguing with her over text or Facebook Messenger and be man enough to meet her face-to-face.
“As much as I hate to reveal this, women easily concede if our partner goes the extra mile to meet us personally to talk things over,” shares MJ, 24. “I remember how me and my ex screamed at each other for hours over the phone because of a simple issue, but the moment we met and he started making lambing, I couldn’t help but laugh. Problem solved!”
Keep your cool
You wouldn’t want to add any gas to the flames. In times of heated arguments, remain calm while explaining yourself to avoid giving her an impression that you’re one defensive loser.
“Yelling just makes it seem like your argument is weak so you need to say it louder,” says Angeli, 26. “Regardless if the guy is wrong or not to begin with, he should still say his peace calmly so the girl will be able to understand him better and reply back in the same manner.”
Bai, 23, adds, “It’s simple: Kapag mainit na ang ulo ng partner mo, ‘wag ka nang makipagsabayan ng init ng ulo.”
Tell her everything during fights. Give her straight answers.
“Honesty and trust are the foundations of a good relationship. So in times of confrontation, tell her the truth and make her feel like you’re serious about fixing the problem,” advises Dimps, 25.
Assume that she’s going to ‘lie’
If she asks you to leave her alone or stop explaining yourself, dude, please—don’t always take her word for it. Remember that women can say one thing and mean the other.
“If a girl tells you to ‘get lost’ then it only means, ‘suyuin mo pa ako,’” says Amber, 24. Clearly, responses to these tricky scenarios vary depending on your girl’s personality.
Humor can help
Beware: This might not be the best move if you’re in the throes of a serious heated argument and she’s bursting in anger. In petty fights, try letting out a funny line to ease the tension.
“My boyfriend and I had this argument because he was late. I told him to pick me up in a particular area and when he said he got stuck in traffic, I threw a litany of how he doesn’t value my time,” recalls Lav, 36. “However, he had this one reply that made me laugh. Maybe it’s just me, but when he told me ‘Sige next time, bibili na ako ng sasakyan na lumilipad para hindi na ako maipit sa traffic’ I became calm.”
Finally, be on her side
It helps to make her feel that you’re not her nemesis, but her hero who can smooth everything out. Now, that sounds a bit cheesy, but it can definitely make you a winner in her eyes.
“Sometimes, she might feel that all she needs is for you to be on her side,” shares Annie, 43. ”What works for me is when my guy says, 'Okay, let's not argue anymore' and takes me in his arms. That shuts the argument down pretty fast.”