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Is It Okay To Break Up Through Text?

Obviously, it's not okay, but a relationship expert says there's one instance when it's acceptable to do it
by Mary Rose A. Hogaza | Jun 3, 2016
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Most of us have been in this situation: the loss of that certain spark. It could be because of irreconcilable differences, you have fallen in love with another girl or vice versa, she's seemed to have fallen out of love or some other strange reason you can't explain. Regardless, you have to end the relationship, which is not the most pleasant of tasks.

So how are you planning to do it? While texting has been a huge part of dating and maintaining relationships nowadays, it's still hardly acceptable to use it as a break up tool.

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Dr. Angelo Subida, clinical psychotherapist and specialist on relationship issues, says ending relationships via text can come off as disrespectful.

"If you've sincerely loved a person before, it's not okay to break up through text from the standpoint of respect, courtesy, or caring for the feelings of the other person." He adds, "Such a method may produce lasting negative impressions or memories on a person even way after the break up."

Man up and deliver the news right into her face. It's simple as just sitting down with the other person and having a direct conversation about why you're leaving. "Express directly, calmly, and kindly your intention and reasons for breaking up," Subida advises.


Talk somewhere private, like her place, where you are both comfortable and able to express your emotions freely.

Asked if there is ever an instance where it is okay to break up by text, the relationship expert from says if you are for some reason afraid of seeing the person face-to-face because she is violent, then it's best to avoid seeing her in person.

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"It can be legitimate and justifiable to break up through texting when there is a repeated presence of chronic physical and/or verbal abuses from any of the parties involved and in the relational interaction. With such evidenced abuses, especially when there's a lack of remorse, what's actually breaking up is simply an 'illusion' of an authentic relationship, and not a real relationship. So in that context, it appears appropriate to break up via text," he explains.

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In order to make the break up less painful, you might want to ask for advice from your mutual friends. You can also seek counsel from a family member or therapist to explore and process your feelings according to Dr. Subida.

While there's no pleasant way to break someone's heart, it is still more courteous to do it in person. It might seem easier to dump her through text, but in the long run you'll be happy that you did the right thing.


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