Man-crush ko si James Bond.
Dear judgmental readers, before you say I’m gay, please be informed: A man-crush is a guy you really look up to, someone you almost wish to be. And that would have been the case for me, if only I wasn’t already fabulously pogi. The question is, will I lose readers just because I told the barako readers of FHM that I have a man-crush?
Oh, please. Before you start sharing your ignorant opinions, read and take this free lesson on Homophobia 101!
The Unofficial Bro Code on the Man-Crush
I’m aware that when I say “Idol ko si James Bond,” it’s perfectly fine, but that when I say he’s my "man-crush," you might raise an unkempt brow.
Keep your makapal na kilay in check. For the record, I like staring at women’s breasts, especially while they jiggle.
Having said that, I want to clarify that it’s not always okay to have a man-crush. But if you do, I and the rest of the straight men out there would appreciate it if you stuck to this unspoken bro codes on having a man-crush.
1) Don’t be a fantard. It’s one thing to look up to another guy; it’s another thing to be a blind admirer who will willingly quit his day job to be the fan club president. Huwag maging weirdo, okay?
Unless of coure, we're talking about Mr. Machete, Gardo Versoza
2) Don’t wear what he’s wearing–at least, not all the friggin’ time. The last thing you want when your friends are starting to doubt your gender is to be a fashion victim. Bagay kay Russell Brand ang skinny jeans, pero pustahan tayo: Sa iyo, hindi!
3) Don’t build a shrine in his name. No matter how awesome you think your man-crush is, I’m sure he picks his nose when nobody’s looking. His fart also smells like rotten eggs. Besides, only psychos build shrines for someone who neither a saint nor a god.
4) Make sure he’s really just your man-crush. I mean, are you sure you want to read FHM, not Cosmopolitan or Preview? There's nothing wrong with being gay. Just be honest about it.
Above: a demonstration of mutual man-crushing
5) Choose your man-crush wisely. Who do you think is man-crush-worthy: Stan Lee, Bruce Lee, or Cedric Lee? I rest my case.