Most married couples would say that the first two years of marriage are the most difficult. Save for those who lived-in together before tying the knot or who have been in a relationship long enough for them to crash their partner's apartment regularly even before getting hitched, it's within the first two years that you discover certain attitudes, habits, and other facets of your spouse's character that didn't surface while you were still dating. And suddenly, you realize: these discoveries are irritating AF.
While the first few years of married life can be ultimately stressful and require the most adjustment from both parties, these can also be the most satisfying—sexually, that is. Ideally, it's when you have all the freedom, energy, and enthusiasm in the world to have sex every single day.
Blow jobs are unlimited and multiple orgasms are attainable. You can't seem to get enough of each other, so you start undressing and get it on the moment you get past the front door when you go home at night—and still have the energy to do it when you wake up in the morning. Sometimes you even need to call and inform the people at the office with some excuse for having to be late for work, because a 30-minute quickie after your shower just isn't enough.
It gets better. Because upon exploring each other's bodies regularly, you discover more of what arouses and satisfies your partner, and you learn to let go of your inhibitions. Your sex life is the best it has ever been, and every burning moment is not only steamy, but also romantic, because you're sharing it with the love of your life.
And then, somewhere down the line, things change.
For some couples, sex just gets even better after years of marriage. The familiarity makes it easier to seduce and to drive each other crazy in bed as you become more receptive to one another's preferences and, yes—fetishes.
Other couples aren't as lucky, and we're not even talking about those who have either succumbed to extramarital affairs or who have chosen to go separate ways because of "irreconcilable differences."
There are couples who remain committed, faithful, and who still truly love their partners, but whose sex life have declined, for one reason or another.
FHM interviewed over a dozen married women regarding the current status of their sex lives, and their answers range from intriguing to altogether surprising.
While three of them admitted that they were having sex with their husbands less frequently primarily because they—the wives—were seldom in the mood for intimacy, some blamed it on external factors and others even blamed it on their husbands, albeit indirectly.
The number of years they have been married has no direct correlation to the high level of intimacy, or the lack of it. Half of the respondents (with years of marriage ranging from five to 15 years) claimed that they have sex at least twice a week.
Two women (married 11 and 21 years, respectively) said that they still get laid practically every day, while the rest (married two to 15 years) have sex only sporadically. All of these women share children with their respective spouses.
The external factors that contribute to the lack of intimacy were pretty standard. The husband works overseas. The kids are always around. They have conflicting work schedules. They're too tired after work and no longer have the energy—or the mood—for sex and would rather sleep.
It's not me, it's you
Most of the women, however, are still very much eager to make love with their husbands, and claim that their husbands still have the same—if not stronger—sexual urges, but they can't seem to sexually connect the way they used to.
The most common pain points concerning the husbands mentioned were:
-The husbands are either stressed over work or distracted by their hobbies
-The wives have to either seduce their husbands or blatantly initiate foreplay (i.e. give their husbands blow jobs before anything else) to get some attention
-The husbands have become complacent in the art of lovemaking and rarely invest in foreplay. They've gone from passionate lovers to "Wham, bam! Thank you, Ma'am!"
-After having sex, the husbands either fall asleep or turn away to resume what they were doing—no cuddling after
One woman even complained that on one occasion, after going down on her husband and doing his brains out—with the wife taking the lead the whole time, resulting in his orgasm—the husband turned away after wiping semen off his penis, and resumed watching some YouTube video.
Kendra, who's been married close to 15 years, pointed out that her husband doesn't even make too much of an effort to seduce and please her anymore.
"Usually he just deftly touches my private parts, and when he's gotten my attention, puts my hand on his hard-on and tries to push me downward, as if suggesting that I give him a blow job. He's gotten used to me doing everything he wants in order to please him, and takes that for granted."
Anne, married nine years to a husband who works overseas, complained that her husband hardly ever gives her oral sex and that they no longer get to try various sex positions, like they used to. She also misses having multiple orgasms.
Joy, who's been married only four years, admits that he misses the sexual energy and adventurous streak she and her husband used to share, particularly when they were still dating. She also misses specific positions they used to do.
She recalls, "He used to carry me and bang me with my back against the wall."
Foreplay and cuddling are important
Based on the interviews, long foreplay and cuddling after sex is still a big deal among married women, regardless of how long they have been married. Although most of the women claimed that they still have sex regularly, majority also complained that their husbands have become lazy and complacent when it comes to foreplay.
Yes, gentlemen. Even if you've been married for how many years your women still want to cuddle after making love. Even if they can get kinky and aggressive, they still want to feel wanted, to be wooed and seduced, and experience long foreplay before you put it in and together, you simultaneously have an orgasm.
*Names of interviewees have been changed to protect the couples' privacy