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One Night Stan: Why Our Country Needs TAE-Con (The Adult Entertainment Convention)

<em>FHM</em>'s Master Suplado has come up with a Master Plan: put up a porn convention in the country! &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;
by Stanley Chi | May 4, 2014
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Are you willing to spend a few pennies to go to a Pinoy convention where you could buy porn and meet your favorite porn star?

Well, too bad we don’t have one.

With different food and car conventions in the Philippines sprouting like pee-fertilized mushrooms, I find it almost miraculous that we still don’t have one meant specifically for fans of adult entertainment. Hey, we clearly have the market for it–admit it; you'd go if there was one!

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Why TAE-Con Is A Sure Hit

Publishers and event organizers, pay attention to what I’m about to say. The manyaks of the Philippines need your full and undivided attention!

I believe it’s time for us to finally have our very first TAE-Con–that’s my pet acronym for “The Adult Entertainment Convention.” I’m so convinced that I even brushed the rather thick dust off my advertising background to ensure that the first Pinoy TAE-Con will be a successful and lucrative event.

Tapping my manyak roots, I’ve come up with five reasons why TAE-Con is sure to be a hit.

1) Sa tickets pa lang, bawi na ang puhunan

We have never had an adult entertainment expo in the Philippine, which is why TAE-Con will definitely sell its tickets faster than a blockbuster movie. I know it and you know it: Everybody will want to come and find out what they will see in such a convention. Will there be good DVDs? Sex toys? And–gasp!–actual porn stars?!

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More importantly, will this guy be there?

2) Advertisers who can’t effectively (or legally) promote on TV will find TAE-Con a welcoming platform 

Let me guess: The only drug you know which affects sex is Viagra. You probably don’t even know that there’s now a drug in the Philippines for premature ejaculation. Hindi na'ko nagugulat diyan. Filipinos can still be quite repressed, which is why companies with sex-related paraphernalia can’t effectively promote their products via traditional media.

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But with TAE-Con, there will be no cringing when it comes to advertising sex toys, adult films, and other products meant to make you orgasmically satisfied. Companies who want to sell condoms, for instance, can do so without embarrassment–“trust” me. 

It will also pave the way for an entire army of
condom mascots. God knows we need them

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3) TAE-Con is the perfect avenue for RH Bill advocates
to teach sex education to the madlang people

If people don’t flock to the nearest health center to learn about pills and condoms, they just might if it’s at TAE-Con! This type of expo will keep our people happy in bed while also addressing the problem of overpopulation. Come on, that’s hitting two birds with one stone! 

4) TAE-Con will have many interesting booths (all of which will be rented out to exhibitors, of course) 

Booths are mainstays of conventionsWithout them, exhibit halls will be empty and useless. And because of them, TAE-Con organizers will be dancing and singing like virgins who just got laid while on their way to the bank.

Booths give everybody a reason to be happy, for three reasons: First of all, organizers are sure to profit. Second, exhibitors get a chance to build relationships with customers. And lastly, event attendees finally get to experience adult entertainment without feeling ashamed about it. That’s a win-win-win situation!

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Innovative products such as this will also be displayed in the show

5) Protesters will try their best to stop it from happening (and, yes, that’s a good thing)

There will always be self-righteous people who hate porn. (Just a wild guess: They probably don’t like sex, either.) And I bet they will gather in the wee hours of the morning to make sure their self-righteous rally signs greet the patrons of TAE-Con. But that’s a good thing. Bad publicity is still publicity. And if these protests make the news, the people who have never heard of the convention finally will.

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Media coverage for an event, even those stemming from naysayers, is like cream for your coffee. Case in point: In 2012, religious groups protested Lady Gaga’s concert in the Philippines…and tickets sold out.

Of course, as a way of thanking the many people who will support TAE-Con, its organizers should organize a meet-and-greet with several porn stars.

I mean, really. That should be a given. In fact, they should bring in five porn stars–paborito kasi sila ng mga Pinoy! Jump to the next page to meet them!

NEXT: Can you guess Stanley's Top 5 porn stars?

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