You probably think that pogi guys like me have it all. I have to admit, being this irresistibly good-looking helps sometimes. For instance: The restaurant manager gives me extra oyster sauce for my fried bean curd just because he likes my pretty face. And yes, he's a he.
But the perks I get out of my God-given looks are trivial compared to the horrific disadvantages that come with the package. I know that sounds ridiculous if you stare at the mirror each day and don’t like what you see, but trust me: Being pogi isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
THE 6 DRAWBACKS OF BEING A PRETTY BOY
With great kapogian comes great responsibility.
Take a look at #AlDub. You see Alden Richards, and you’re thinking, you’ll have more luck in life if you had his flawless face. But take one look at what’s been happening to him and you’ll see how being pogi hasn’t helped him at all. He has shed way too many tears because too many people don’t want him to win over the girl of his dreams. (We're looking at you, Rogelio, Rogelio and Rogelio.)
Yes, that’s what you get when you look too good to be true. Everyone thinks you’ve got it easy, so they try to give you a hard time para quits lang kayo. You think Alden has shed way too many tears on noontime TV? Wait until you see how often us pogis cry in real life, given the many woes I've listed below.
1) PEOPLE THINK POGI EQUALS METROSEXUAL AND/OR GAY
Nothing wrong with that if you’re really gay. However, it’s a different story when you’re labeled as one just because you look good in all your selfies. Dude, it’s so evil that it’s almost racist! (Sexist?)
Just because you don’t look like a kargador, people assume you’re a softie and you don’t know one end of a hammer from the other. Even worse, the chicks think you’re not into them so all your papogi moves end up being misinterpreted as—gasp—friendliness!
Life is unfair. Pumilantik lang ang kamay mo, pagdududahan ka na.
Mag-flex ka lang, pagdududahan ka na.
2) WOMEN AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME YOU’RE A BABAERO
Just because women are lining up to have you doesn’t mean you’re not a loyal boyfriend. You do all your boyfriend duties—carrying your girlfriend’s bag when she’s tired, buying her sanitary pads when meron siya, and watering her plants when she’s away. Still, people take one look at you and assume you’re some regular Don Juan looking to fornicate.
How about you pogis out there, don’t you just hate being labeled as a womanizer based solely on the fact that you have the face of an angel?
3) YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS INSECURE ALL THE TIME
Hey, is it a pogi’s fault if his girlfriend is mistaken for his yaya? Here's your answer: no.
Neither is it your fault if women keep giving you the pabebe wave even when your girl is right beside you. Your girlfriend shouldn't be pissed because it’s not like you asked for your good looks to descend upon your face, right?
Above: How girls react upon seeing your beautiful face.
4) YOU GET YOUR SHARE OF STALKERS
The attention is flattering, but the stalking is not. It’s petrifying, it’s creepy, and it makes you think twice about sharing your whereabouts on social media.
The number of people following you on Twitter is just insane and everything you do is put under a microscope, even if you’re not a celebrity. People send you indecent proposals on Facebook and expensive gifts with no return address. Some even give you pasaload.
What a scary world this is for pogis like you and me! We should all buy pepper sprays!
5) YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT GIRLS REALLY WANT WHEN THEY BEFRIEND YOU
Your best friend happens to be a girl. You trust her with all your secrets—hell, she even knows what color your favorite boxers are. Then one day, she does the unforgiveable: She tells you she’s fallen in love with you.
Anak ng teteng naman. Can’t you have female friends who will remain friends? All you want is to NOT be betrayed by the girls you trust. Is that too much to ask, just because you’re pogi? Girls naman...I just want friendship...sometimes.
6) PEOPLE THINK YOU’RE STUPID
This is my pet peeve and if you look anything like me, it’s probably yours, too. Just because we are cursed with a beautiful face does not mean we don’t have brains!
Porke’t gwapo, bobo na? How cruel of people to assume that you’re not smart based on your face value alone! Does it matter that you didn’t fail in college? Does it matter that you’re, say, a successful writer? Nooooo.
Just because we look like models doesn't mean we can't be smart—unless, of course, you're this guy below who's really kind of, erm, not smart.
I ask you, nasaan ang hustisya?
Yes, I have a face that can launch a thousand nuclear warheads. Hashtag: blessed. But given the many trials that a pogi like me and you has to go through, you’d think it’s more of a curse than a blessing. All we can do is suck it up and accept the fact that we are born physically superior.
After all, kung mahirap maging pogi, mas mahirap maging pangit.
About the author: Stanley Chi is the reluctant pogi who penned the books Suplado Tips, Pogi Points, Chicken Mami for the Sawi, and the bestseller Men Are From QC, Women Are From Alabang. His most recent book, One Night Stan, is now available in bookstores nationwide. Stanley is also a comedian, host, and branding genius. Follow him on Instagram and Twitter (@stanleychi), or subscribe to his column here on FHM!