Basted ka na naman? Maybe you’re the one with the problem.
Whenever a girl tells you yet again, “I’m glad we’re friends – let’s stay that way,” you assume it’s her fault. She’s either too picky, too much of a snob, too mukhang pera, or too bilib in her own good looks.
You always end up thinking, “Hindi kami bagay. She’s not that pretty, anyway.”
Well, if it soothes your hurt ego, that’s fine by me. But if you don’t want to get stuck in the friend zone, it’s time for you to look long and hard in the mirror. Otherwise, forevermore na ganito ang mukha mo:
5 REASONS WHY YOU'RE ALWAYS FRIEND-ZONED
Enough with the paawa effect—it stopped working the tenth time you used it. Wondering why you’re still not in a relationship? Truth hurts, dude, but it will set you free.
1) Masyado kang patay na patay sa nililigawan mo.
When you like a girl, telling her that she’s beautiful over and over again is like telling her you’re desperate over and over again.
Sa mind games pa lang, talo ka na. She will just treat you as one of her many stalkers, not as a potential boyfriend. I’ve said it so many times: Most girls find your perennial flattery corny. Keep giving it and you won’t get any.
My suplado advice: Stay mysterious. Don’t be too gigil when you make the moves on her. Desperation never looks good:
2) Feeling mo close kayo agad.
Just because she smiled at you doesn’t mean she’s ready to hear you talk about that potentially cancerous mole on your hairy butt.
Why talk about all the weird, uninteresting things that interest you when you know so little about what she likes? Stop being so hungry for attention. Besides, spilling the beans about all the problems you have right now brands you as a whiner, not a winner.
My suplado advice: When you share, don’t scare. Your peg in life is to be a dream boy, not a nightmarish suitor.
3) Nakakaturn-off ka.
She already likes you enough to go out with you, but your no-good diskarte puts you in trouble. Kuwarta na, naging bato pa!
Mababaw as it sounds, bringing a girl to the food court instead of to a respectable restaurant ruins the romance, big time. So if your friends keep teasing you about how baduy your taste is, pay attention. They might be on to something.
My suplado advice: Don’t just rely on what you think is right. Research. It’s not that hard—using Google, after all, is free. #IGMG
4) Mukha kang manyakis.
If you keep smiling like a perv whenever you see your crush, it’s no surprise that she wants to stay at least 100 meters away from you. Dude, your face is as effective as a temporary restraining order.
Stop looking at a girl from head to toe. Especially when you’re smiling that silly smile while you’re doing it. Especially when she’s watching you do it.
However, you do have some leeway if you're Zac-friggin'-Efron
My suplado advice: Hang mirrors all over your house and practice smiling like a normal person. This isn’t news: Girls prefer guys who don’t look like manyaks.
5) Masama ang ugali mo.
Could it be that you’re a douchebag and you just don’t know it?
Nobody likes a guy who’s kupal. When you don’t have friends and you’re always being dumped by women, bro, baka kups ka.
My suplado advice: It’s time you changed your ways. They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. But then again, aso ka ba?
Stop trying to blame your subpar batting average on the fact that “hindi ka niya type.” Many women fall for men who don’t fit the mold of the boyfriend they’re looking for just because they know exactly what women want. The better man always knows women go for more than just looks. Hindi lahat ng babae, tumitingin lang sa panlabas na itsura (at sa laman ng wallet).
Many of the things girls don’t like about us are based on how we act while they’re around. They can be so good at sniffing out the rotten ones that many good apples get branded rotten, too. If you want to earn your pogi points, learn to adapt to the demands of the playing field. Otherwise, hindi ka makaka-score.
If you have tips to share, stories to tell, or questions to ask, hit me on Twitter and Instagram (@stanleychi) and use the hashtag #OneNightStan. If I like what you have to say, I will happily spare space for you in my next column.
But before you complain about how unfair that girl was for cursing you as friend-zone material, teka lang. Baka naman bad breath ka? You might want to buy new my book, One Night Stan: Why Nice Guys Finish Last (And How You Can Finish First), available in bookstores nationwide. It might teach you a thing or two about making porma. Besides, it’s better than spending your P195 on a big cup of designer coffee while you’re all alone in a café just because ‘di ka marunong dumiskarte. Your money, your funeral.
About the author: Stanley Chi penned the books Suplado Tips, Pogi Points, Chicken Mami for the Sawi, and the bestseller Men Are From QC, Women Are From Alabang. His most recent book, One Night Stan, is now available in bookstores nationwide. Stanley is also a comedian, host, and branding genius. Follow him on Instagram and Twitter (@stanleychi), or subscribe to his column here on FHM!