When people hear you say that word, you get branded as a manyak. But believe me when I say this: Motels are not the enemy.
A motel can actually be your best friend. It’s better to stay in a motel during a storm and no taxis wanna take you home (yes, cab drivers can be a-holes, especially when it’s raining cats, dogs, and carabaos).
However, taking her to a motel is the easy part. The hard part is making sure you're not going to just stare at each other all night. ‘Tol, you paid for the entire night. Don't let it go to waste!
So it’s time to take your landi moves up a notch. Let these one-liners be your ticket to a night of MOMOL and then some. You can thank me later.
1) “PA-KISS NAMAN”
Do you know that this works nine out of 10 times? Okay, fine, I just made that up, but you get my drift.
It’s direct to the point, so say it like you mean it. If she doesn't acquiesce, it can only mean one of two things: Either she doesn’t really like you in the first place or you forgot to brush your teeth. No matter what happens, never, ever settle for a flying kiss.
2) “ANONG GUSTO MONG MANGYARI?”
Pa-inosente: that’s your peg. Come off as too headstrong and she might get turned off. Mask your overflowing gigil, women don't like.
"Yan, ayaw ng girls yan. That's too gigil"
Make it look like she was the one who wanted things to happen, not you. She manipulated you into bedding her—that’s your story and you’re sticking to it!
3) “HALIKA RITO, TABIHAN MO 'KO"
Say it like you’re about to freeze to death, and she will embrace you and shower you with warm kisses instead of turning off the air-conditioning. Remember: Proximity is the name of the game. If she’s not close enough, nothing can happen.
Prepare the googly, maluha-luha eyes, boys.
4) “GUSTO MO PATAYIN KO NA YUNG ILAW”
Let me give it to you straight: You’re not a porn star and neither is she, so turn the lights off!
Chances are, she won’t take her clothes off if it means you’ll see her third nipple. Besides, you don’t want her to see how hairy your balls are, either.
5) “GANITO NA LANG BA LAGI?”
I know you like making MOMOL, but it’s not really what you want to do the whole night, is it? You can swap so much more than just saliva.
If you’re getting tired of the extra-long foreplay, ask her the above question and it just might be what you need to get out of that 30-minute (read: nakakasawa na) lip lock.
Just don't be too pushy, or you'll end up like this cameraman:
6) “MEDYO DRY YANG LIPS MO”
You can roll your eyes all you want at how corny this line is, but it’s because it’s so unbelievably corny that it actually might work!
Don’t believe me? Try it the next time you can’t seem to make da-moves on your date and you’ll see how reaching for her lip balm is the last thing she’ll do.
7) “TARA, SABAY TAYO MALIGO”
It’s such an inappropriate thing to say that she’ll either think you’re kidding and laugh it off or she’ll take you on your offer. Either way, panalo ka.
Panalo rin ito, but be prepared for her revenge.
Hell has no wrath like a woman pranked
Extra-sleazy tip for the über-manyak: Try spilling orange juice on her lap if you’re absolutely sure she won’t get mad at your clumsiness. Orange juice tends to be sticky when it dries—all the more reason she won’t say no to a refreshing shower. Even if she has to share it with you.
8) “SO, ANO, PAANO?”
Warning: Save this for last. If all else fails, it’s the one thing you can say that just might turn things around for you.
After all, if you’ve done everything possible to crank things up but you’re still failing miserably, you’ve got nothing to lose by giving her the reins. Malay mo, mahilig pala siyang mangabayo.
These powerful icebreakers can make or—you guessed it—break your motel moment. Use them wisely. Avoid saying them the way a rapist or a dirty old man would and you’ll be in the clear.
Just remember that any “action” you get in a motel can end up in awkward moments. To make sure your girl doesn’t end up resenting your pagdiskarte, give her your pinaka-John Lloyd smile and close the deal with this one-liner: “Sabi ko na nga ba eh, malandi ka rin!”