Hoy, abanger! Are you secretly fantasizing about your friend’s hot ex? Did you had to constantly wipe the drool off your face when you made beso with her back when she was still your buddy’s girlfriend? Were you making da-moves on her and sending her pseudo-innocent text messages when you realized her relationship with your kabarkada was on the rocks?
They say a friend’s ex is off-limits and–let’s face it–that makes her so much hotter.
Well, horny buddy, I know of a few men with twice your brain power who have done it before, so I’m not surprised. They often tell me it starts out as a fantasy but many wet dreams later, bigla na lang silang sumisimple ng diskarte.
Story of your life? Ho, ho. Preno muna, bro, and read below before you get excommunicated by your tropa.
Above: How your group shots will look like after you make sulot
SULOT = SALOT
Sorry na lang, pero wala kang happy ending kapag tinuloy mo ‘yan. (Hashtag: #HuwagManulotDotCom.) Your life is not a romantic teleserye, so whatever evil scheme you’ve dreamed up, don’t do it!
Here are the many reasons why:
You might end up as the rebound guy. If she hasn’t quite moved on yet, yari ka. She might use you just to get back at the one person she really cares about: your friend. Worse, she might realize her ex has a much bigger schlong than you do! You have to admit, that really sucks.
Your friendship with your katropa is officially over. Believe me when I say it’s not okay even if he says it is. Maiilang na kayo sa isa’t-isa.
Your newest nickname will be "Boy Sulot." Please, don’t create trouble that will make you the talk of the town. Once and for all, you are not in showbiz and your barkadahan is not a Twilight movie. Do not create your very own versions of Team Jacob and Team Edward!
No man on Earth will ever trust you with their girlfriend ever again. Even your own brother will have second thoughts before introducing his girl to you. All other guys will think you might do a repeat performance with their girlfriends. Honestly, I don’t blame them.
It’s like you French-kissed your own katropa. He kissed her before and now you want to kiss her? If the exchange of bodily fluids is fine by you, you are one disgusting dude. Whichever way you put it, he used to bang the girl you now want to bang. Yuck ha!
Baka mabasted ka. Well, that’s where you don’t win anything. You lose the chance to hang out with your crush and you also lose the chance to hang out with your barkada. Oh, and they’ll never let you live it down, believe me. I won’t be surprised if your friends tell you, “Mahilig ka pala sa second hand? May ukay-ukay dun sa kalye, pre!”
In case none of these scares you, you can find my sulot tips on the next page