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One Night Stan: Paano Painitin Ang Malamig Mong Pasko

No one to spend Christmas with this year? Well, things can't get any worse, can it? To up your game next year, here's our Master Suplado's guide to surviving the holidays.
by Stanley Chi | Dec 21, 2013
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You walk around the mall and you see couples holding hands. They’re hugging each other like there’s no tomorrow and showering each other with affection. I know, sarap nilang sapakin–but that’s mainly because bitter ka

…dahil wala ka pa ring syota.

Too bad, because ‘tis the season to make #MOMOL. Don’t say it’s okay that you don’t have a girlfriend; I know you’re lying when you say you’re “single by choice." After all, if you had another choice, I bet you would take the girl everytime. Huwag mo na i-deny.

(Oh, and just in case you’re making da moves on someone this Christmas, know that it’s make or break this holiday season. If you choose the right Christmas gift, the girl of your wet dreams just might give you her matamis na oo!)

But if you’re single, alone, and miserable, that’s okay. It may almost be the end of the year, but it’s not the end of the world. Let me show you what productive things you can do this Christmas:

1) Find a potential victim partner
You’re not the only one who’s single. Pustahan tayo, marami kayo! Since you’re already a pro when it comes to stalking someone on Facebook, you can start there. Find a profile photo that says, “I’m open to new adventures!”

Suplado Tip: Start thinking of any future relationship as a prospective business partnership–it’s more likely to happen when you “come with a recommendation.” In other words, you can get over the river…kung meron kang tulay (or jetpack, or speedboat, or kung magaling kang lumangoy; either way, you get the point).

2) Come up with a new game plan
Sorry, dude, but your diskarte just isn’t working. It’s time to revamp your style.

                                  Above: My idea of revamping my style. How do you like me now, girls?!

Suplado Tip: If your good boy image isn’t helping you, try being suplado for a change. No matter how much they deny it, girls prefer bad boys–even good guys like us who pretend to be bad.

3) Attend as many Christmas/New Year parties as you can
Thanks to the festive ambience and the unlimited cocktails, women are more open to meeting new guys during Christmas parties.

Suplado Tip: Don’t be shy; meet as many women as you want! And don't worry, you're “expected” to chat up that hot chick–in the first place, everyone is supposed to mingle!

4) Organize a class reunion

Remember that pretty classmate of yours? It’s your chance to show her you’re no longer the school nerd but the CEO of a poser company.

Suplado Tip: Even if you don’t find someone special, at least you get the chance to get even at the girl who rejected you back in high school. Malay mo, mataba na siya ngayon! If anything, she might be the one to run after you this time, increasing your “market value.”

5) Spend more time with your family
You won’t feel lonely if you’re among people who accept you for who you are, perversions and all.

Suplado Tip: Ask your relatives to invite you as their “plus one” to Christmas parties. See No. 3.

NEXT: And if those don't work, well, there's always next year!

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