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FHM Presents: Porn Vs. Real Life

We've figured out why you never seem to get it on with a Tori Black of your own!
by mich r. lagdameo | Jun 9, 2014
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Porn: Kinky achievement unlocked—plus busog in more ways than one!

In Real Life: "Jesus, my sheets are gross and sticky. And she does not look happy about having chocolate syrup sticking to her delicate parts."


WHY THREE'S A CROWD YOU'LL NEVER GAIN ACCESS TO...

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THRESSOMES
Porn: Awesome!

A cursory search on Redtube yields 3,545 hits; Porntube: 9,831. YouPorn, ever helpful, even has a filter bar to help you find exactly the threesome you’re looking for: Anal? Lesbian? Amateur? Blondes? Spicing things up with an extra warm body is a time-honored tradition in porn.


THREESOMES
Real Life: Awkward!

Sure, we hear our buds boast of that one time they had twice the fun, but did they ever mention the darned logistics of it all? It’s hard enough to satisfy one willing partner, what more two eager participants.

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Are your skills up to the task? Is it better drunk or sober? Heck, why even ask these questions—getting in on the scene without having to pay hookers for it is problem enough.


HOW WELL YOU'RE DOING IT...


Porn: Victorious Wood

Maintaining wood never seems to be to be an issue in porn, where the aid of the much ballyhooed professional “fluffers” are enlisted—people whose sole purpose on set is to keep that throbbing man-member rock-hard via blowjobs, hand jobs, or whatever means necessary. For the duration of your DVD or download, the lucky stiff (pun intended) gets to bang away, soliciting fake orgasms from his lady partner until direk orders the money shot.

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Real Life: What wood?

Do you need your own personal fluffer? In a word: yes.

The latest research on premature ejaculation in the Asia Pacific states that eight out of 10 Pinays wished their men lasted longer in the sack, and 70 percent of women say that their partner’s better control of ejaculation is imperative to a happy sex life. The same research suggests that the norm should be more or less five minutes until manoy is spent—that’s more than enough time to make your lady happy if you know what you’re doing.

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Luckily for you, the sex authority Kinsey Institute reports that women are more likely to orgasm from a variety of nookie must-dos, like a combo of oral sex and intercourse. Give your tool a rest once in a while and chalk it up to foreplay—women love that shit.


NEXT: Why it's time to give up your lesbian fantasies!

From FHM's May 2014 issue

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