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FHM Presents: Porn Vs. Real Life

We've figured out why you never seem to get it on with a Tori Black of your own!
by mich r. lagdameo | Jun 9, 2014
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Porn: "Sure looks like a tighter fit..."

In Real Life: "What if my schlong comes out covered in shit?"


HOW YOUR FANTASIES ARE NOT COMING TO LIFE...

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LESBIANS
Porn: Come closer!

A favorite fantasy for some—the one where well-built dude gains entry into the titillating world of lesbians and their sexual shenanigans, where he gets more than just his ego stroked. It seems that in porn, they’re secretly begging for a man to penetrate (pun intended) their cozy little twosome, where there’s twice the number of available parts and holes to grab and shag.


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LESBIANS
Real Life: Get away!

Your penis, no matter how impressive, is of no interest to lesbians. Even if your mother told you that you’re Daniel Matsunaga’s long-lost twin, they’ve long ago decided that you’re batting on the same team. Real-life lezzers are better off as cool drinking buds and wing women—just don’t get all drunk and try to sleep with them.


FISTING

Porn: "Why the heck not, right?"

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In Real Life: "I also got a fist to my face when I tried to stuff mine up there."


FHM Presents: Your Morning-After Exit Plan!

From FHM's May 2014 issue

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