A woman's libido is about as predictable as Manila weather: when she wants it, we should be ready to please, whenever and wherever. We make the impossible possible, because that's just how real, caring gentlemen are. You think we're joking? Take a look at how we deconstructed the tightest of spaces to have a quickie in, with help of yoga expert Alvin Gomez of L!fe Yoga Studio. Because with FHM, yes, you can!
This room provides a different kind of comfort
THE SCENARIO: You're out on a concert with your girl. With all the body rubbing and testosterone evaporating into the air, she starts to feel a bit flushed. She asks you to come with her to somewhere quieter and intimate—never did you expect that she'd lock you up inside one of those weird portalets.
QUICK FIX: If you have some cologne and/or hand sanitizer, spray some into the air. Use a position that requires the least amount of effort when thrusting. Why? One, because you don't want to be inhaling all the germs and stench inside that cramped space; two, sudden movement could very well tip the portalet over.
2) Trunk of a car
Abduction foreplay, anyone
THE SCENARIO: You and your girl are doing the naughty thing on top of the hood of your car. Things are going so well—that is, until you notice a flashlight beam. The park security guard is quickly closing in. You don't have enough time to change so you open up your trunk and jump in.
QUICK FIX: Making the best of a stressful yet very exhilarating scenario, you guys decide to continue your shenanigans inside the trunk. Remember to keep something lodged in-between the trunk lid; you wouldn't want to get stuck in there, and be forced to have yourselves rescued. That story spells tabloid headline all over it.
3) Dark alley
Your extra friendly neighborhood superhero
THE SCENARIO: You, the friendly neighborhood arachnid dude, has just saved a damsel-in-distress from a bunch of hoodlums. She decides to repay your kindness with a kiss you while you're hanging upside-down from your web. She enjoys it a little bit too much as she removes not only your mask, exposing your true identity.
QUICK FIX: You decide to distract her buy removing not only your mask, but your entire costume as well. With your crime fighting-toned abs, you leave her in a complete ecstatic daze. You turn her around and lift one of her legs. You come at her from behind till you unload your web cartridge in her.
Push the right buttons
SCENARIO: It's late and you're still in the office to fix up some stuff for tomorrow when your beautiful boss shows up. You make some small talk and unsaid sexual tension between you two is starting to manifest again. She puts her hands on your shoulders and almost starts massaging you, but the CCTV camera kills the mood.
QUICK FIX: She is about to call it quits, when you tell her that you thought of a perfect plan. You lend her a hoodie, and you wear one yourself. You get inside the elevator and face away from the camera. You push the button of the highest floor, and then you immediately bend her over and concentrate on thrusting since you guys have to finish before you reach the top.
What goes up must also go down
THE SCENARIO: Worse comes to worst and you guys didn't come. Don't fret you have another chance going down! Take the stairs since the security guards might be coming (in more ways than one) after viewing your session in the elevator.
QUICK FIX: Working on your cardio and core is key to surviving this extended loving sesh. Gomez suggests the Mula Bandha, a yoga-like kegel technique that focuses on controlling your core muscles and enhancing your endurance.
6) Bang trike
On the patrol for some of that pamasahe
SCENARIO: You decide to take a part time job as an Uber Trike and you patrol the streets for any willing passengers. You pull some extra OT hours during the night and see a sexy girl wearing a miniskirt. She waves her hand at you. Right before you drop her off at destination, she says forgot her barya and asks if she can pay you in any other way.
QUICK FIX: You stop at a seemingly vacant location where you can talk negotiations. You enter the passenger seat and get on top of her. You spread her legs so you can enter her in a missionary-style variant. Be careful not to tip over the tricycle, or you could add some extra suspension on your ride.
7) Videoke bar
Giving her your microphone when it's her time to sing
SCENARIO: You and your officemates have an after-office karaoke session. Your office crush is now tipsy and starts looking at you in a different way. She starts to make out with you while your other officemates are too preoccupied and passionate about their Charice Pempengco birits, or are just too intoxicated to care.
QUICK FIX: If you leave the vicinity, she might lose that tama that makes you the least bit desirable so you have to makes this quick. Find a vacant KTV room nearby. Get inside and position yourself near the door, coming at her from behind doggy-style with her palms pushing up against the door. This is the best option here so you can both keep an eye out for any passersby that might catch you doing the deed. Plus, you can also push the door close if someone starts to force it open, and quickly duck out of sight.
BONUS: Here's a few ways Yoga can help us in the scenarios mentioned
1) Be the master of chill
In Yoga, when you're able to do hard poses, and still keep a calm breathing pace, it'll be easier for you to keep calm during sexual escapades.
2) I am panopticon
A heightened awareness and concentration can be achieved when you continuously practice Yoga. It'll keep your eyes pealed for any buzz kills that try to thwart your plans.
3) Tight spots
When you're more flexible, you can reach different parts of her. Even if you're already in, you can still adjust your position. You can go deeper and still be comfortable!