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Hey Bro, Let's Talk Testicles!

Assuming you and your yagbols are already in speaking terms, here's the annotated half of that intimate conversation
by Khyne Palumar | Dec 2, 2013
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Ever thought of what your "pair down there" would say if it could talk? How about, "We don't like it scrambled," or "We are what makes you fearless"?

Assuming you and your yagbols are already in speaking terms, here's the annotated half of that intimate conversation:

"I’m more an indoor person, but biology decided it’s better I dangle out here."

talking testicles
We all know this: nutsacks produce sperm. While the rest of titi is pleasured, bayag busies itself with cooking up semen-and-sperm to fling out the big boss’s head. Testicles don’t conventionally get the same amount of action as penises (strokes and teabag action notwithstanding) and few women would stick them inside vaginas. So why are your balls outside your body instead of inside it? Kasi mainit.

The ideal temp for sperm production is a few degrees lower (about 32ºC to 34ºC) than core-body temperature (36ºC). Evolutionary biologists say this is a major reason it hangs out from under there. When it’s cold, your family jewels retreat closer to your body, which explains “shrinkage.” And when it’s hot out, it hangs even lower.

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"Laki ako sa hirap"

The reason testicles are sentimental: Whoever’s in charge didn’t scrimp on other vital organs’ protection. Brains, for example, are helmeted-in by skulls, livers are housed inside ribs, and pelvises shield women’s ovaries. Everyone else was sheltered while your sensitive nuts dangled naked, born without automatic jock straps, and exposed to life-threatening elements the likes of knees, balls, etc. The blame splits between biology and evolution: Hey, nobody told us to start walking erect.

"Sure, I’m practically attached to your penis, but I’m really more a pussy than a dick."

The funny and sad thing about your balls is, the pair has around the same amount of touch-sensitive nerve endings (over 8,000 of it) as the clitoris in women’s pepe—except female genitals are rigged with pleasure, and your nuts are landmined with pain receptors.

Here's a checklist for a better comparison.

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talking testicles

NEXT: What your yagbols prefer in terms of clothing

From FHM's November 2013 issue
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