Being cheated on is easy! It’s like a walk in the park. Except the park is on fire. The trees are on fire. The bike is on fire. And you’re on fire.
Now, not all the cheaters you’ll find below are worthy of a messy breakup—or even a mild confrontation—but long-term relationships are a ton of hard work, so you’re bound to recognize at least one of these in the woman sleeping next to you:
1. The "it's only physical" excuse maker
This is the first thing that comes to mind when we think of a cheater. Emotions may or may not be involved, but either way, no one wants to find out the love of their life is shacking up with somebody else.
2. The emotional investor
Arguably the most painful kind of cheating there is, an emotional affair involves zero sex or physical affection, but a lot of heartfelt text messages, subtext-heavy flirtation, and latent longing. The thrill is in getting just close enough to feel kilig without actually breaking any rules. Tsk, tsk.
3. The micro-cheater.
Meaningful eye contact with a cute guy on the train. A hazy conversation with a stranger at the beach (nothing happened, though). Having a moment with a work buddy. These harmless encounters barely make the passing mark for “cheating,” and more often than not, they help her realize how good she currently has it with you.
4. The celebrity-obsessed.
Anne Curtis’ longstanding obsession with Korean leading men must get to Erwan Heussaff even a little, no? When your girl’s celebrity crush morphs from a phase into a full-on commitment, you can’t help but feel a little jealous. But that’s why you have your “lists”: a rundown of celebrities you’re both allowed to sleep with should the opportunity arise.
5. The diet destroyer.
She decides to commit to a fitness goal, and because you’re a supportive boyfriend, you watch over her like a hawk. Then she turns around, cheats on her diet, and skips the gym despite your multiple (gentle) reminders. Ginusto mo ‘to! Ano na?
6. The workaholic.
Work gets the best of all of us sometimes—but when it begins to feel like she’s married to it, it’s not unusual to feel left out. Just remember that the wheels will turn, you’ll be the busy one, and she’ll have to adjust. Compromise.
7. The Netflix cheater.
So you’re both knee-deep into Designated Survivor. You come home from ONE NIGHT with the guys, and she’s already seen the rest of the season without you. Woman, couldn’t we have found out who [SPOILER ALERT] blew up the Capitol together?!
8. The barkada loyalist.
When it comes to arguments, this girl considers advice from her friends as Gospel Truth™. It doesn’t matter if she agreed with you first—as soon as she whiffs even the slightest hint of dissent from a trusted girl-friend, you’ve got the short end of the stick. A classic bait-and-switch.
9. The barkada loyalist, Version 2.
An even rarer breed, this girl actually agrees with your friends, and ganging up on you with the boys you’ve known since grade school seems to bring her an almost perverse sense of joy. House party pranks? Getting roasted in the group chat? Your friends might be the foot soldiers, but your girl is the mastermind.
10. The IG Story trickster.
In an effort to make her life look like ~laging may ganap~, she cuddles up with cute friends and officemates for selfies and Boomerangs, giving off the impression that she’s got a revolving door of dudes she’s seeing behind your back. It’s “Do It For The ‘Gram,” except she isn’t breaking any rules.
11. The threesome opportunist.
Is it cheating if the terms were previously agreed on and she’s kissing another person with your full consent? Not really. Is it sexy to think about her hooking up with someone else right in front of you? Depends what you’re into...
12. The freeloader.
To be clear, she’s not a cheater. She’s just an expert at making it seem like she is. All night long, she’ll knock back drinks from guys trying to shoot their shot, but she won’t go home with any of them. Once she hits peak tipsy, she’ll slip a “Sorry, I have a boyfriend!” and nope the fuck out of there. Straight back home to you. #ThatsLove
13. The roleplayer.
This is the best kind of cheater: the girl who’s willing to take on different personas in bed with you so you can act out those (totally normal) fantasies together. Long-term couples like to shake things up, and there’s no shame in letting her use her imagination to cheat on you—with you.