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The Neat Freak’s Guide To Explosive, Messy Sex

Ready for some clean, mind-blowing fun?
by Ginyn Noble | Feb 8, 2017
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The great thing about neat freaks is that everything is so clean and organized when you live with them. Who doesn’t love knowing where your tools are stashed away and finding them nicely arranged in their box? Who doesn’t love coming home to clean sheets and a spotless bathroom, too?

Of course, that might bring you to the question: If neat freaks are allergic to mess, how do they enjoy sex? Do they also shy away from the inherently messy activity with all the sweat, saliva, and other bodily fluids involved?

The answer, of course, is no—at least that's the case for a self-confessed neat freak. Isa (not her real name), 27, claims she’s “totally OC” when it comes to her hygiene and the tidiness of her work desk and condo, but when it comes to sex, she’s really like every other girl—and she doesn’t mind getting “down and dirty” from time to time.

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Are You Or Your Partner Really OC?

Let’s be clear: This guide is for people who are anal when it comes to mundane things—not people with obsessive compulsive personality disorders or obsessive compulsive anxiety disorders. The latter are in a whole different ball game that needs special psychological attention to ensure that sex won’t be traumatic.

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The International OCD Foundation elaborates to help you distinguish the disorder“Most people have obsessive thoughts and/or compulsive behaviors at some point in their lives, but that does not mean that we all have ‘some OCD.’ In order for a diagnosis of obsessive compulsive disorder to be made, this cycle of obsessions and compulsions becomes so extreme that it consumes a lot of time and gets in the way of important activities that the person values.”

Obviously, people diagnosed with OCD are truly different from people who just like everything neat and in order. To further show the difference, Dr. Joy-Alvi R. Arañas, RPsy, RGC, counseling psychologist from Pathways Counseling and Assessment Center, explains that “people with OCD tend to have repetitive behavior which they cannot control and feel anxious when everything is not in perfect order. Unlike people who prefer to be clean, those with OCD don't find pleasure in what they are doing.”

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So, if you or your partner are just an everyday neat freak, below are some tips to keep your between-the-sheets-shenanigans in check.

Isn’t All Sex Messy?

Yes, everyone who has sex makes a mess, but the fantastic world of truly messy sex goes beyond what you ordinarily experience. It’s about embracing all the parts of your body—and the liquids it naturally produces—with props that may leave your bedroom untidy but ones that will surely amp up the pleasure. Because of this “messy nature,” the foremost rule is to communicate with your partner and make sure that whatever you do, however far you go, you both want it and enjoy the experience.

And for guys dealing with girls who have OCD? Dr. Arañas further advises, “Just like any other kind of relationship, it is important to know the partner well by establishing an open communication. Because people with OCD who engage in messy sex tend to experience high levels of anxiety. They seem to be preoccupied with fears of contamination or infection as a result of having sex. Hence, anything that gives reassurance of having safe sex might help.”

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If you do decide to push through, you and your partner need to accept these things, too: One, the mess can be overwhelming (even if you’re not a neat freak), and two, the clean-up can be, too. That’s why setting boundaries, agreeing on “safe words” to signal your limits, and having backup plans are important preparations. And for a neat freak, it can be as simple as designating all the sheets you can and can’t use or as meaningful as settling for vanilla sex with no hard feelings in case one of you backs out at the last minute.

If you’re a messy partner, on the other hand, be sure to know how far you can go and when it’s time to change for the better. Dr. Arañas says, “The neat freak has to be aware of their underlying need for order and should be able to discuss it openly with his or her partner. [Nevertheless], the messy partner should be humble enough to seek help on how to be organized, [too]. If too much order is not good, being messy is not either. In that sense, the couple should compromise or complement each other.”

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Now onto the nitty gritty. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

1) Location, Location, Location

Anywhere with easy-to-clean surfaces. If you have the freedom to go beyond the bedroom, do it in the kitchen (tiled floors are easy to wipe) or the shower (bathtubs would be a godsend aside from tiled floors). Make sure you clean up your mess promptly, have the right supplies ready, and check the drainage system to avoid awkward post-coital situations.

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2) Throw In Some Towels

Or any other washable pads or sheets. Waterproof cloths would be great if you’re not picky, but they’re not exactly comfy if you’ll be lying down for extended periods of time. Instead, look for inexpensive, breathable fabrics that you can easily throw in the washer (throw away if the action gets too explosive).

Here’s some advice shared by Dr. Rachel Needle, a Licensed Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist, on Glamour: “You have a few options. One such option is to put a towel or another sheet down just before engaging in intercourse, so that when you are done, it will drip on there rather than all over the sheets you are going to sleep on. Another option is to have some wipes, small towels, tissues, or an old t-shirt next to the bed (or wherever you typically have sex) so that you can grab it as soon as you finish. Another option is to just get up and book it to the bathroom! You can do this with a graceful roll over clenching your legs together in an attempt not to "leak" and clench your PC muscles on your way to the bathroom as well. You can even put the towel, a t-shirt, or some tissues in between your legs while you are on your way there so that no cum drips out.”

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3) Stains Aren’t Sexy

Quickly throwing your stained sheets (and clothes) in the wash is key to avoid permanent remembrances of your wild night. Have spare pairs of undergarment, beddings, and towels for showering, too. And for semen, vaginal fluid, and possible period leaks (more on this later), your best combo to avoid stains consists of cold water and dishwashing soap or laundry detergent only—never bleach, which will react with the proteins in these fluids and render them yellowish. Gross, right?

4) Use Lubes and Other Liquids The Right Way

When it comes to your props, make sure that they’re hygienic, and obviously, don’t use them anywhere they aren’t intended. Use water-based personal lubricants like K-Y Jelly for sex toys (not petroleum jelly or other oils that can irritate the privates), if you need them to enhance the experience. (P.S., Make sure you clean those props before and after use!)

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Look for aromatic body oils intended for massages to heighten both the senses of touch and smell. Sparkling wine with its bubbles and cold temperature would be perfect to titillate the senses, too. Trying candle wax for next-level BDSM kinkery? Proceed with caution. Don’t let any of these spill onto your partner’s privates!

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5) Try Food For Foreplay

Do you know what sloshing is? It’s a type of “wet and messy fetish” where partners slather various food products onto one another to enjoy the different sensations. Of course, not everyone, neat freaks in particular, would go all out and try this form of messy sex right away. Instead, you can start with the least to the messiest stuff you can use. Try ice cubes and edible undies, for instance, before proceeding to the delectable use of sugary syrups and other desserts.

6) Be Cautious About Period Sex

Sure, during that time of the month, your partner could feel anything but sexy, and you won’t find the bloody truths arousing, either. But there will be hormone-pumped times when you (or she) will be super horny. It could be against your principles to proceed, but what if the temptation is too difficult to resist? Can you engage in period sex? Yes, go ahead—but wear a condom! It’s for your privates’ safety.

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7) Be Considerate When You Get A Blow Job

Okay, your lady is doing you a damn favor—the least you could do is gauge her reactions and make sure she doesn’t do something that will pleasure only you. Although it can be awkward, it’s best to broach the subject of spitting versus swallowing before a blow job, so you both won’t get nasty surprises. Will she be okay with a facial, or is it a hard pass for her? Go ask.

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Having towels and wet wipes nearby would be nice, too, so cleaning up will be a breeze, especially if you enjoy the blow job so much you couldn’t aim where to unload. Sounds like the best treat for a neat freak dabbling in messy sex, right?

8) Savor The Squirting

Not in the sense that you ingest whatever your partner squirts, of course. However, if you do end up having mind-blowing sex that leads to your girl not being able to hold in her excitement, bro, you have done an amazing job. You deserve a round of applause—or round two if you still have the energy for it.

Dr. Joy Alvi R. Aranas, RPsy, RGC is a counseling psychologist from Pathways Counseling and Assessment Center. For consultation, you can visit him at 718 Sunday Street St. Joseph Village, Panapaan, City of Bacoor, Cavite.

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