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How To Handle The Pressure To Change From Your Girlfriend

She'll tell you it's for your own good, but that might not be the case
by Mary Rose A. Hogaza | Feb 6, 2017
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It's a familiar scenario: Your relationship runs smoothly, but after a few months, your girlfriend attempts to change you. It could probably be the way you dress up or how you fix your hair. It could also go as extreme as completely changing you "for the better."

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Dr. Maria Lourdes Ramos-Laydia, PhD, a registered clinical psychometrician and psychologist from Lucena City, says there's actually no harm in complying if your partner's intentions are truly for your own good.  

You may feel like it's a personal attack on your ego and feel frustrated, angry or hostile, and that's completely normal. You may even be resistant to what your partner wants you to change and just stick to how you are.

The secret: "You should recognize that you need to change something and you are amenable to change and willing to take action to do so. A mere recognition, awareness, and acceptance that you may need to change may produce change surprisingly without much deliberate effort."


Women try to turn their partners into someone they are not, and this might come from negative feelings brewing within her because of aspects of the relationship you've failed to work on. "The reason may be self-serving for the girlfriend. She wants you to conform to her standards, needs, whims and expectations. Some reasons may be more benevolent, especially when she sincerely wants you to improve and become a better person."

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Meanwhile, in a study carried out by the Daily Mail UK, psychologist Dr. Simon Moore explains that it actually scares women to go out with someone who already has the perfect image. Therefore, they look for someone with "potential" and mold them into a perfect mate.

"Women will look for a man whose character they like and then set about trying to change their image into somebody more attractive. Changing their hair, clothes, aftershave and so on is an easier task than changing their personality. In some ways, women use it as a bit of a test," notes Moore.

If you think your partner is going overboard with her demands, communicate your feelings directly and personally. 

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Just never ever do it over the phone or computer. "This may also cause misinterpretation since the voice, inflection, manner of delivery, and the face-to-face interaction would make a difference of how it will be understood," says Ramos-Laydia.

Do it in a place and time conducive to serious talks, preferably in your favorite hangout when you both are in a relaxed state and ready to hash out your difficulties or issues with each other.

Dr. Maria Lourdes Ramos-Laydia, PhD, is a registered clinical psychometrician and psychologist from Lucena City. She is the former head of Psychology Department of Calayan Educational Foundation Inc.

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