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Avoid This Sex Position, If You Don't Want To Break Your Ano

A new study answers two of life's greatest questions: (1) Can your penis break? (2) How will it break?
by Gelo Gonzales | Jan 22, 2015
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If there's anything that 50 Shades Of Grey has taught us, it's that you need some pretty wicked bedroom moves to keep the missus happy.

Unfortunately, that happiness might come at a price. A study made by a group of scientists in Brazil, and published in the academic journal, Advances In Urology, has confirmed that adventurous sex positions might just snap your penis in two. The study, first reported by Telegraph.co.uk, took a look at different sex positions and how they might result in a condition that's as painful as it sounds: Penile fracture. They reviewed cases in a number of hospitals in Campinas, Brazil and surveyed patients and analyzed medical records. 

Breathe gently, gents, as we present the study's most important findings below!


1)   The "Woman On Top" position presents the most danger to your dong

Also known as the cowgirl position, this maneuver is said to cause 50 percent of penile fractures. The scientists concluded that "sexual intercourse with 'woman on top' is the potentially riskiest sexual position related to penile fracture" with reasons being:

  • The woman is the one controlling the movement with her entire body weight.
  • Certain movements have a chance of bending the penis the wrong way.
  • Unfortunately, the woman doesn't feel it when she's bending the penis the wrong way.
  • With the weight and the momentum of the woman, the man won't have time to counter the movement.
  • AND THUS: BROKEN PENIS SYNDROME

Image via Imgur.com


2)   The second most dangerous sex position: The Doggy Style

The study concluded that having the woman on all fours whilst the man gets it on from behind causes about 29 percent of afflictions. While the study posits that it's the second most dangerous position, in this position, the man has more control on the penetration.

This is a good thing according to the scientists because "when the man is controlling the movement, he has better chances of stopping the penetration in response to the pain related to penis harm, thus minimizing [injury risks]."

Image via Thisis50.com


3)   The magic number: 34

That's the average age of the penile fracture patients that the study came across. If you're 34, that means you've got to be extra careful when performing bedroom maneuvers that you used to do with ease when you were younger.

Continue reading below ↓

Image via Thesportscrave.com


4)   Some people will hear a cracking sound when a penile fracture occurs

Aside from the swelling and the pain that victims will encounter, around 50 percent of patients also reported hearing a crack before experiencing pain. The pain or the sound, whether real or perceived, doesn't completely indicate a penile injury. Our advice: Go see the doctor if you suspect an injury.

And don't just rely on your girlfriend's facial reaction


5)   Not everyone goes to the doctor right away

The study noted that the time it took men to ask for medical help, ranged from 30 minutes to a more extreme six hours. Why a man would wait six hours to finally decide that his penis is broken and therefore needs a doctor is beyond us. The authors, on the other hand, believe that embarrassment is part of the equation:

"Penile fracture is a relatively uncommon clinical condition that frequently causes fear and embarrassment for the patient, hypothetically resulting in delayed search for medical assistance, which can lead to impairment of sexual [organ] and voiding functions.”

That will be a sad, sad day

In short: If your dong hurts after a rather bumpy ride, go seek medical help, bro. Otherwise, you'll end up with a limp willy the rest of your life. To all women: Please be careful with our penis. (Also: You can thank science for once again ruining one of the best things in life.)

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