Uh oh, she missed her period, bro. Should you start rehearsing #TheBigReveal to her folks? Start thumbing through baby names? Put money in a college fund? Envision all the freedom that's about to be sucked dry from your being?
You're free to do all those. Or you can relax, and do the first logical thing to do, which is to get a damned pregnancy test, you idiot.
The father-to-be calculated the amount he'll be spending for milk
Now, as you wait for the results, be sure to AVOID saying one of these lines to your girlfriend for the sake of your relationship. (And how do we know these lines are awful? It's because we hounded girls with this little question: "Hey girl, what's the one thing you wouldn't want to hear from the boyfriend in case of a pregnancy scare?")
1) "Are you sure it's mine?" - Teresa, 22
"Sampal yan sa face ng babae. Parang he's accusing you of sleeping around," says our respondent. Also, the pregnancy hasn't even been confirmed yet, and you're bringing up issues of infidelity? For shame!
2) "Think positive." - Gemima, 25
One of the rare times when these words of optimism trigger absolute dread and trepidation. (Okay, that was too much. But you get our drift.)
3) "Para akong masusuka." - Annie, 26
Heard the news? It's the girls that get morning sickness.
4) "Maybe you're just getting fat." - Elle, 25
And maybe you're about to get dumped!
5) "You said you were on the pill." - Kiara, 21
So it's a legit concern, but now's not the time to bring it up. She'll need your unbridled confidence in the tense moments before finding out if the pregnancy is for realsies.
6) *HEARING NO REPLY AT ALL* - Mae, 27
There are times when nothing you say seems to make things better. This is one of those times when saying nothing absolutely makes things worse.
7) "Did you cheat on me?" - Devi Rae, 23
If saying "Are you sure it's mine?" was a slap in the face, this one's more of a left straight. From Pacquiao.
8) "But I pulled out!" - Sam, 23
Did you know? Pregnancy tests sometimes work as lie detectors, too.
9) "Well, we could get an abortion..." - Timmy, 29
Among her friends, you'll forever be known as that evil douche ex that she "thankfully broke up with."
10) "What are you going to do with it?" - Clara, 22
You (probably) promised her forever during the making. Now that you've actually "made" something, you're taking it back. Great.
11) "I guess this means we won't have a future together." - Laura, 26
Who says this?!
Got a nastier line to share? Flood our comments section, you monster!