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How To Tell Your GF That You're Not Yet Ready To Get Married

Don't just say, 'Yoko nga'
by Romelee H. De Luna | Apr 18, 2016
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How do you know when it's the right time to get married? It's easy for some, but for others, it's a little bit trickier. Here's the situation: You've been in a relationship long enough for the topic of marriage to enter the discussion. She's ready. But you aren't. How do you make opposing sides meet to keep the relationship? 

Jackson, 31, has been through said situation and shared: "I know my partner wanted to be wedded badly but I wasn't into the whole wedding scenario just yet. So I proposed to her in a joking manner. She hated it. I wasn't ready; I had that gut feel that I wasn't totally ready."

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Is there a right way then to tell her how you're unreadiness without disappointing her? "I would suggest for the guy to step back a bit and think of why he doesn't want to get married yet," says Rica Cruz, counseling psychologist and sex therapist. "Do you see her as your bride waiting at the end of the aisle?"

The Boys Night Out sex and relationship adviser continues: "If you do, then tell her that you care about her and that you see her as the one you'll spend the rest of your life with, but you're not ready to get married yet. Be honest and clear about your reasons, and don't forget to reassure her that you love her and she's the one for you. If she knows that you're serious about her, then she'll probably understand and give you the time you need until you're ready."

But what if you don't really see her as wife material? "You have to re-evaluate your relationship. You have to be honest with her and tell her that you care about her but, at this time, you do not see her as your wife. Then decide on how you both would want to move forward. Tricky, yes. But it would be unfair for the both of you to be in a relationship and not know that you have different aspirations when it comes to marriage—she wants to marry you, but you don't see her as your wife."

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Will real women agree? We also surveyed women who are of marrying age, and asked them if they know when it's high time to turn the table around and be the one to pop that odd little question to their men. What would they feel if they were somehow rejected? Here are their opinions:

"Madi-disappoint for sure. Pero I'll give him a chance. Gusto ko siyempre malaman reasons niya bakit hindi pa siya ready," says Raiza, 23.

"Siyempre masasaktan sa una pero kailangan din kasi i-consider 'yung sitwasyon ng boyfriend ko kung sakaling hindi pa siya ready," 34-year-old, Charlotte quips.

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Meanwhile, Jak tells us, "With my age, I will get upset. Thirty four na ako, I should have been married years ago. Both parties should be ready. However, kailangan ng serious talk. If the relationship is going nowhere bakit ka pa stick sa boyfriend mo?"


On a side note, having a child in an unmarried relationship complicates matters further. Princess, 32, relates: "Okay lang kung wala pa kaming anak pero since may baby na kami at malapit na siyang mag-aral at gusto pa niya ng isang anak ay kailangan kasal muna." 

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Not every woman though gets mad quickly when a guy rejects their "marriage proposal." Take the side of Iree, 24, for instance. She says, "I will not be offended at once. I will ask the guy's reason first, and then if it's acceptable, I will respect his decision. I can't force what I want; I'm not that kind of woman anyway. We are in a relationship and everything between us must be mutual." 

It's true that we are now in a very liberated society. But marriage is something that shouldn't be taken lightly. Deep feelings are involved when such a topic enters the conversation of couples.

In the end it boils down to transparency between the couple. Be honest to yourself, and to your partner. If you don't see her as your wife at that given point, maybe you should let her know, and decide if the relationship is worth keeping. You two will be happier in the end.

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If you do see her as your wife but just aren't ready for marriage, reassure her—tell her that you love her deeply and you will marry her, just not right now


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