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The Best Sex Position For Every Kind Of Penis Type

These will help your manhood reach its true potential
by James Wong | Oct 28, 2018
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Penises come in a variety shapes and sizes. Who’s to say that guys with bigger dicks have better sex? Or guys with curved cocks don’t hit the G-Spot? It’s all about technique to make both you and your partner hit the heights of sexual ecstasy. Not sure what your go-to move is? Well pal you’ve cum, err, come to the right place to find out. Identify you dick type here and master the best position to reach that all important finale.

The Detox Penis

What it looks like: Long and thin like a breadstick waiting for a wet pot of hummus. This slim line penis expands upwards rather than sideways.

Best position: Unless your lady has a tight snatch, you’re not going to create a huge amount of friction on her walls. Have her lay on her back; lift her legs up high together at a ninety degree angle, and pump her from down under. This should increase friction with her clitoris and squeeze everything around your skinny chap nicely till your ready to bust that nut.

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The Microphone Penis

What it looks like: This is where the gland is wider than the rest of the penis, resulting in a microphone or in more shocking cases, Sia with a microphone.  Get ready to have that chandelier swung.

Best position: Face to face sitting down, with you inside her. This is one of the most intimate ways to fuck, and there’s less chance of you coming out which you should only do once at the end when you’ve cum and softened. Coming out repeatedly when you have a microphone dick is just plain cruel—like shoving an umbrella into a watermelon, opening it, and then yanking it out. Remember that.

The Edamame Bean Penis

What it looks like: Small. Some call it manageable, others call it micro penis. Whether your edamame has one bean or two inside, it’s up for a challenge.

Best position: When you have a below average sized penis, foreplay is everything. Find the love in oral, and when you’re ready to take the big/small plunge, go doggy style. This allows for the deepest penetration, and your hands are free to play with the rest of her. Maybe even slip a finger or two in (and if that doesn’t wake her up then go for the entire fist).

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The Genetically Modified Egg Plant Penis

What it looks like: You have a regular egg plant which is already pretty big, and then you have the prize winning genetically modified egg plant which could feed a family of four. Basically we’re talking big. Gah!

Best position: A vagina is usually up to seven inches inside on average, so anything more usually will cause your lady friend some discomfort. Best thing is to have her on top, so she can control how much goes inside her.

The Christmas Tree Penis

What it looks like: The opposite of the microphone penis, this one is thicker at the base and gets thinner till the summit. Kind of like a mountain or a rocket.

Best position: This is especially great for a missionary position deep thrust, your penis is wonderfully designed to touch her spot and fill her walls to the brim. Well done, you.

The Adele Penis

What it looks like: Gorgeous and girthy. The Adele is straight, average length, but fits condoms a little bit too snugly, and you’ve tried a thousand times. Geddit?

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Best Position: It’s best to choose a position that she can control to lower the risk of hurting her. Try the reverse cowgirl, with her on top and lowering on to you. Remember to add lube if you want to roll harder in the deep.

The Side Plank Penis

What it looks like: Actually quite common, it’s the penis that curves to either the left or the right. Some can be extra bent though, aka a side plank gone wrong.

Best position: Spooning works a treat here; you can lift yourself off the bed to alter the position so that your curve hits her at the G-Spot. If you have a long penis, pull out slightly as it will be painful if you reach the cervix canal wall.

The Banana Penis

What it looks like: The shaft and base are the same thickness, but when hard your penis curves upward, similar to when you’re holding a banana upwards ready to eat.

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Best position: This is a great penis for a union style fuck, that is, where you stand and the woman wraps her legs around you and thrusts herself. If you’re the weaker sort of lad, then lean against a wall. You’ll bang her spot and keep her in position at the same time with your anchor dick. How fun.

The Stumpy Penis

What it looks like: It’s thick and short, not necessarily straight, and throbbing with excitement.

Best position: Have your girl on her back but with her hips raised in order for a deeper penetration. Thrust deep and hard, and now and then come in and out to catch some of those clit nerves. Your head can act as an extra pair of lips basically, spitting out all kinds of goodness into her flourishing lady garden.

The Model Penis

What it looks like: Aren’t you the lucky one if you have one of these. If Victoria’s Secret ever decides to bring out a range of condoms, then a pair of angel wings would be glued to your cock before it’s thrown on the runway in front of hundreds of flashbulbs. The model penis has the same girth from base to head, around six to seven inches in length, and is erect at a 45 degree angle with no curves. A masterpiece on balls.

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Best position: Model penises are pretty comfortable for the vag in most positions; so why not give a standing position a go—it’s perfect for spontaneous situations. You behind, her in front, pull up her skirt and fuck till there’s no tomorrow. Vary this up with having her rest her elbows on a hard surface, such as a table, then spin her on to the side with a leg over your shoulder for the climax.

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