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Why Girlfriends Become Controlling Over Time

Has your partner become too dominant after the so-called honeymoon stage? We talk to a relationship expert to find out why this happens
by Mary Rose A. Hogaza | Jul 13, 2016
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So you're dating an extremely nice woman. You never hear her preach whenever you go out with your friends. She doesn't even mind if you don't text her all day long.

But after a few months, she starts to become obsessed with controlling everything about your relationship and starts imposing rules over you. Sometimes you can't help but ask yourself, "Who is this monster I'm dating?"

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Relationship expert and the life coach Francis "Kiko" Javier of says women become controlling after some time because of "familiarity." He explains: "When the girl starts to be so comfortable with the guy and she feels like she already has control in her hands, she most likely becomes controlling."

Javier further explains that once the "enchantment stage" is over, couples start to reveal their true characters. 

Another possible reason is "impatience." Once certain expectations are not met, women have the tendency to grab the steering wheel from men and drive the relationship their way.

"Women have a different definition of speed. They want everything now when they like it," says the expert. "They usually respond to impulse differently than men, who usually takes all the time to do something."


Javier reminds that a relationship should never be like a slave-and-master setup. If you just follow her orders and ignore her behavior, the relationship might become unhealthy or worse, fail. Draw a line somewhere.

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"It is within men's nature to relax when being pushed," Javier observes. "The more a woman demands and manipulates, the more the man chickens out. No woman wants a chicken for a partner." 

If you want to mend a relationship that has become one-sided over time, Javier recommends you to talk to your partner about her controlling nature and help her understand how this affects you. "Communication is king in any long-lasting relationship," he says. "If we are sensitive enough to her needs, she would not even have to give 'orders' because we know what she needs before she even says something."

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Constant serious talk with your girlfriend (or wife), Javier adds, would surely prevent her from acting like the boss in your current relationship. If you can't take it anymore and all your efforts aren't working, you have no other choice but to give your partner a final ultimatum: "Change or I'll leave you forever."


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