“Bakit ‘di ka nag-rereply?” “May iba ka na bang pinag kakaabalahan?” You probably got these text messages from your fuming girlfriend before. It hasn’t even been an hour since her last text, but she’s already hitting you with barrage of messages, sounding really mad. What’s the big deal?
Dr. Maria Lourdes Ramos-Laydia, a registered psychometrician and certified specialist in clinical and assessment psychology, says your partner is actually mad because you’re making her feel like she’s the least of your priority. It tells her that you don’t care about her.
“Need for attention, security, and affection drives this tendency.” Dr. Ramos-Laydia adds: “Delayed response may lead her to think that you're cheating on her, flirting with others, doing something behind her back, or fooling around.”
Shara, 24, agrees: “I get upset because of my anxiety and low self-esteem. If I know he’s busy doing more fun things than me I start to feel like I’m being a pest and that he forgot about me. It upsets me because I’ve convinced myself this means I am not important.”
Adds Joy-Alvi R. Arañas, RPsy, RGC, counseling psychologist at Pathways Counseling and Assessment Center: “Sometimes, she may feel this way because in her mind, the boyfriend is no longer interested in investing time and energy into the relationship, which only makes her more paranoid.”
As to why girls like receiving long SMS, Dr. Ramos-Laydia explains women are more detail-oriented. “Short messages may disappoint them. They want to feel like you're there talking to her in person. That's why they always want you to elaborate.”
If you think your partner is going overboard with her reaction, though, let her know your feelings directly and personally. But Dr. Ramos-Laydia cautions: “Doing it on the phone sometimes doesn't work because your voice, inflection, and delivery may be misinterpreted."
Do it in a place and time conducive to serious talks, preferably in your favorite hangout where you can be relaxed and ready to hash out your difficulties or issues with each other.
Dr. Maria Lourdes Ramos-Laydia, PhD, is a registered clinical psychometrician and psychologist from Lucena City. She is a diplomate of American Academy of Traumatic Stress and the National Crisis Management, New York. For other relationships concerns, you may reach her on Facebook.
Dr. Joy Alvi R. Aranas, RPsy, RGC is a counseling psychologist at Pathways Counseling and Assessment Center. For consultation, you can visit him at 718 Sunday Street St. Joseph Village, Panapaan, City of Bacoor, Cavite.