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Men, Women Are Not Your Rehabilitation Centers

Guys, don't blame your ex for your personal demons
by Khatrina Bonagua | Sep 13, 2018
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The recent death of hip-hop star Mac Miller, who tragically died of a suspected drug overdose last September 7, generated not just sad reactions from his fans all over the world, but also enraged comments and virtual attacks towards his ex-girlfriend, Ariana Grande.

For some reason, a portion of Miller’s followers (read: idiots) blamed Grande for the death of the rapper. “You did this to him,” one netizen said while tagging Grande’s Twitter handle; “You killed him because you left him,” said another.

FYI: The couple dated for two years before breaking up in May this year.

“I respect and adore him endlessly and am grateful to have him in my life in any form, at all times regardless of how our relationship changes or what the universe holds for each of us!” Grande said in an Instagram story to confirm the breakup. “Unconditional love is not selfish. It is wanting the best for that person even if at the moment, it's not you. I can't wait to know and support you forever and I'm so proud of you!”

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The two broke up like mature adults. They decided that what they had was over. They moved on and got busy with their respective careers. Later on, Grande found a new love in SNL star Pete Davidson.

Meanwhile, Miller, whose struggle with substance abuse was quite public, continued his fight against it.

Despite knowing Miller’s battle with addiction (even prior to meeting each other), Grande supported, accepted, and loved the rapper. According to Miller’s friend, Grande was “an unbelievably stabilizing force in his life" and helped him achieve some level of soberiety.

But what happens when the one who supports, accepts, and loves you decides to stop doing it? Should you (and the people around you) blame that person for the inevitable downward spiral?

Grande’s response regarding their breakup last May is still applicable to all the blame being thrown her way right now:

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“How absurd that you minimize female self-respect and self-worth by saying someone should stay in a toxic relationship because he wrote an album about them,” she shared. “I am not a babysitter or a mother and no woman should feel that they need to be.”

We're sure that Grande is not the first woman to be blamed for the actions of their partners. The idea that a woman holds a man’s life in her hands, and that she has the power to control or fix him, is a misconception that should be shattered.

As much as some women enjoy caring and supporting their partners, they are not superheroes who can rescue destructive men from their demons. Of course, a woman can do her best to help her man, especially during trying times, but asking her to have the capacity to cure a disease like addiction is just plain irresponsible. 

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At the end of the day, a romantic relationship should make you a better individual. And frankly, anyone who blames a person's overdose on their ex-lover is just being toxic (and an asshole).  

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