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13 Of The Worst Doggy Style Stories We've Ever Heard
Sometimes it's 'woof!' Most times it's 'yikes'
by Chandra Pepino | Mar 18, 2018
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Of all the relatively vanilla sexual positions the porn industry has indoctrinated upon us, doggy style is perhaps one of the most impersonal—after all, from your point of view, all you see is an ass and the back of a head (read: the easiest position to try and imagine you're doing it with someone else—and that's not necessarily a good thing). But while this position gives men a lot of control over speed and intensity, it's not always a (dog) walk in the park. Read on for some of the craziest tales we've heard.


I didn't ask for a Brazilian wax

“My favorite position is a tamer variation of doggy style: I'm laying on my stomach, my legs close together, while the guy goes at it from behind. My closed legs make it feel tighter for the guy and more intimate for me. The thing is, I hadn't trimmed my hair down there in a while, so when the guy shoved his dick into that tight space, he pulled some of the hairs. They didn't come off, of course, but that still hurt like hell! I make sure to groom all the time from now on.” – Alyanna, 23

The brown surprise

“My girlfriend and I didn't know that you were supposed to douche before anal. She was on all fours in front of me. We were using lots of lube, and this wasn't our first time to do this, so we thought it'd be fine. After a few minutes of thrusting, I began to see brown particles on the tip of my dick. I made an excuse that I needed to pee so I could wash up. I didn't want to embarrass her.” — Andrew, 24

Way to make a French exit

“I met this French guy at a club in Poblacion, and eventually, we ended up in his hotel room. At one point, I was laying on my stomach while he fingered me from behind. I felt him pull out his fingers, and suddenly I was clenching around nothing. He then proceeded to stick his fingers into my ass and pump into me vigorously. That was the first time anyone had ever done that to me! He asked if I could do anal, and I refused immediately. My ass hurt for days afterwards.” – Moira, 22

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This is why you should knock, Pa

“This is the story of how my dad walked in on me and my high school girlfriend having sex. My bedroom door is right in front of my bed. When my dad swung it open one day, he was immediately face-to-face with my girlfriend, who was on all fours while I was going at it from behind. My girlfriend screamed immediately, then began crying as she frantically put her clothes back on. Needless to say, I was in major trouble that night.” – Daniel, 21

Snatched!

“I was doing it doggy-style with a girl once, and I decided to pull her hair so that her body would be closer to me. Unfortunately this girl was wearing hair extensions, so they came right off. I gasped in shock, but all she did was laugh and tell me to keep going.”  — Nicolo, 22

I didn't sign up for this shit

“My worst doggy style experience—and also worst one-night stand—was when I spread her ass cheeks only to find traces of poop. I was so turned off that I made up some story about having to take care of a drunk friend I left behind at the club where we had just come from. Just remembering it makes me cringe.” — Jose, 24

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The lingerie destroyer

“I really hate doggy style because I like looking into my boyfriend's eyes when we do it. But he really likes it, so he's always trying to convince me. One morning, while I was asleep, he sidled up behind me and began to pull down my lace panties in an attempt to wake me up with sex. He pulled too hard, and the ripping sound woke me up. 'Did you just destroy my favorite underwear?!' I shouted. The petty fight we had because of that completely killed the mood.” – Athina, 23

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Dog days are over...

“The first time my college girlfriend and I tried doggy-style, I lost the condom inside her when I tried to pull out. We got so traumatized that we never did that position again. Thank goodness she didn't end up pregnant.” – Greg, 26

It's not supposed to hurt like this

“One night, while my girlfriend and I were doing it doggy-style, her thighs began to cramp up intensely. When she screamed, I thought it was because she liked what I was doing, so I kept going until she said 'No, stop, stop, my thighs are cramping!' We had a good laugh, and I massaged her thighs until the cramps went away.” – Jio, 23

Oplan Iwas Untog 2018

“He was jackhammering me so hard that my head slammed against the wooden headboard. The pain was instant and unbearable. 'Oh my God, I'm so sorry!' he screamed. He ran to the kitchen to grab me an ice pack as I cried in bed, begging for my head to stop hurting. We made it a point to face away from the headboard after that.” – Paula, 21

The live show

“I'm the idiot who attempted drunk doggy-style sex in the back of a car. We were parked in this secluded village in Alabang, and while I was pumping away, a village guard shone a light into the car. When he realized what was happening, he signaled for us to roll down the window. Instead, my drunk ass ignored him and kept going. I don't remember what happened after that. I guess he got a show.” – Aldrin, 25

I guess I have a type?

“I was in a threesome with two girls who were my friends with benefits. I was doing it with one of them doggy-style as the other girl watched. I accidentally called Girl A by Girl B's name, and Girl A got so offended that she got out of bed, put her clothes back on, and left. I really didn't mean to do it. I felt so bad afterwards.” – Ken, 29

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...not the actual dog!

“I don't have one bad doggy-style experience, but sometimes when my girlfriend and I are having sex at my condo, my dog will climb into bed and try to play with us. We're not doing that kind of doggy-style, Clover (that's my dog's name)! Ha ha!” – John, 25

 

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