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11 Women Share The Worst French Kissing Sessions They've Ever Had

Please pass the Listerine
by Chandra Pepino | Jul 26, 2018
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Nothing better than that first kiss. The one that tells you you’ve scored a second date. The one that tells you that, yes, you are bringing her home. The one that tells you you’re in for a good night. But kisses don’t always go the way you plan. (What does, with complete strangers?)

Here are 11 tales we can all learn from. Think of it this way: they made these mistakes so that you don’t have to.

Oral fixation

“To be fair, this is my fault more than his: I had a decayed tooth due to a cavity that ended up breaking in my mouth. At the time, only half the tooth was left. I forgot all about it because the tooth finally stopped hurting when it broke. Fast forward to my Saturday night out, when a particularly enthusiastic guy shoved his tongue forcefully into my mouth...only to run into the sharp edges of my broken tooth. He bled into my mouth.” — Ayenne, 23

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Spotify? More like Stop-ify

“I had just begun exclusively dating this guy, who said he had created a special makeout playlist for me. It was hot to be kissing someone whose music taste was the same as mine. Days later, I’m browsing through his Spotify when I realized our so-called ‘special playlist’ was an old one he made together with his ex for their sex sessions. I was so offended. It sounds stupid now, but we got into an actual fight!” — Katrina, 25

Open wide

“One of my exes used to gradually open his mouth wider when we would make out. It would start off closed-mouthed, then he would essentially be devouring my entire face. I called him out so many times, but he kept doing it!” — Leslie, 24

Heavy metal

“This guy I had just started seeing finally went in for a kiss. It was going well at first—we were cuddled up on his couch on a rainy night—until I began to taste something metallic in my mouth. Then, everytime he would pull away to take a breath, the smell intensified. I ended up in a coughing fit! Turns out he had gingivitis or some other kind of throat infection. He got embarrassed, but I laughed it off and gave him a hug. We’re still together two years later.” — Ariane, 29

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Harvey Weinstein much?

“I was in this club about two years ago. This random dude just comes up to me on the dance floor and gives me this big, wet, sloppy kiss. He was drunk as shit, and so was I, probably. But I had the strength to push him off of me and alert my friends. Luckily they came to my rescue and the guy was kicked out within minutes.” — Kate, 26


This guy doesn’t even deserve a witty caption

“After an amazing first kiss, my Tinder match said, ‘Damn. Those are some thick n**** lips.’ We were completely sober and he said it with a straight face. I was so shocked I couldn’t respond. I just collected my things while repeatedly saying ‘What’s wrong with you?! What’s wrong with you?!’ and left.” — Christine, 24

Snack time

“I was kissing this guy and it was pretty nice. He stopped to put his hand in his mouth, dug out a piece of food, and said, ‘Sorry. It’s been bothering me since lunch.’ Then he put it back in his mouth and swallowed. I made a face to show I was disgusted. And I was. But you know what, he was cute, so we kept kissing anyway. Hahaha!” — Nicole, 27

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Caught in the act

“My boyfriend and I were at his mom’s apartment for lunch. When his mom went into the kitchen, he came over to give me a long kiss. We enjoyed that for a few seconds until his mom walked right back in and stopped in her tracks when she saw us. ‘You should really wear a bell, Mama,’ he joked, and his mom erupted into laughter. Yeah, she’s that kind of a cool mom, luckily enough for me...who was mortified.” — Marie, 22

Tug of war

“I remember kissing this guy who ran his fingers through my hair. One of his rings got stuck on my hair and he ended up pulling hard, which sent me into whiplash in the process. I was so terrified in that split second. I thought he was gonna break my neck!” — Arvi, 26

Sick burn

“My boyfriend slobbers up like a dog when we’re kissing. He likes super-tonguey, super-wet kisses, especially during sex. Now, during one of these kisses, he trails his tongue around my lips as usual when suddenly I feel a sharp sting by the sides of my mouth. I had been eating potato chips that ended up cutting the corners of my mouth. It hurt like crazy. Never again, Lay’s Sour Cream and Onion.” — Louise, 22

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Wrong hole, my man

“My worst French kiss ever would have to be when the guy (who was literally French, by the way, LOL) stopped kissing me, stuck three fingers through my lips, and began to finger. My. Mouth. Vigorously, as if he were fingering my vagina. I didn’t know what was going on, so I resisted. But he kept forcing his fingers inside and saying, ‘Suck them.’ At that point I was pissed, so I pushed myself off him and got out of the car.” — Sandy, 24

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