As you already know by now, things escalate pretty quickly on the internet.
One minute, Ariana Grande is tweeting about how gloriously #blessed down there her fiancé Pete Davidson is; the next, a clever Twitter user has coined the term and all of social media is rejoicing over this new thing, this presence that has always surrounded us but has never been acknowledged and identified until now.
Gents, it is our honor and pleasure to introduce you to BDE.
BDE, or Big Dick Energy, is not just about endowment. It’s not quite traditional, garden-variety manliness, either. It’s neither about having a dick nor using it. And the good news, for most of us at least, is that it’s not about how dreamy your face is and how hard your abs are. We trolled the web for the best, most precise, most poetic definition (and there are puh-lenty) and TheCut.com’s takes the cake: “A certain gait—sort of like you’ve got a massive dick swinging around—but also a twinkle in the eye, like if you look right at that twinkle you can see a dick in the eye.”
Our own humble definition: BDE is a low-key, quietly confident, steady knowledge that you da man. Simply put, BDE bearers are never obnoxious, never attention-seeking, never less than secure. That SUV barreling through C5 traffic with its flashing lights and atrocious wang-wang? Zero BDE. That Angkas kuya who brought your girlfriend safely home last night? Major BDE. Trump? It’s a glaring, unanimous no. Our own prez? We’ll let you decide.
And if you’re wondering whether the ladies sense your lack or excess of BDE, the answer is an unequivocal yes. Right up there along with her knack for sniffing out online sales and detecting how often you still double-tap your ex’s Instagram posts, a woman’s BDE radar is a power bestowed upon her at birth.
It makes complete sense, then, that true BDE bearers flourish in the dating department. They’re genuinely in love, or if they’re not in a relationship, they’re magically working the scene without leaving a lingering stench of assholery in their wake. Their intentions are pure (okay, medyo bastos, but always just the right amount), their motives crystal clear. They’re not afraid of strong, independent women, whether that means letting their significant other put their career first, or not flying into a blind rage when their girl interacts with some rando at a party. They’re not liars, not even when their backs are against the wall, and they don’t cheat. Never have, never will.
BDE bearers treat women right. Because they have no reason not to.
You might think, what’s the point of having all that BDE if you’re not going to spread it around, i.e., sow your seeds? Dude. Dude. If your BDE be authentic, you ain’t gotta play. Instead, you’re going to set your sights on the woman of your dreams (your very own Ariana Grande, if you will) and you’re going to do whatever it takes to make her happy and keep her happy, because her happiness is your happiness and if she’s happy, she automatically thinks you’re the biggest BDE bearer in the world and if the girl of your dreams thinks you’re the biggest BDE bearer in the world, then you become the biggest BDE bearer in the world. That’s some real full-circle, self-fulfilling shit right there.
TL;DR: Big Dick Energy is not about being a dick. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. So, how do you exude splendid, unparalleled BDE? Don’t be a dick, and the rest will follow—hopefully. And when you finally have it, you’ll know. The moment you walk down the street and get that first whiff of BDE emanating from deep within you, it’ll be life-changing. Savor it. At least until the internet decides it’s over.