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Mayday, Mayday!: A Labor Day Detox Told In 'Anchorman' GIFs

Just because we know you partied like mofo over the long weekend
by Viella Galvez | May 1, 2017
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Just when we planned for one long weekend this month, SURPRISE! We get two, and its scheduled right in time for Labor Weekend. (Thank you, ASEAN for visiting our country at the best possible time.)

FHM gives you a few tips (relayed by Anchorman’s Ron Burgundy) on how to maximize the next four days of your long weekend (and every other long weekend that follows), and the days/weeks/months till your next bender.

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Partying responsibly makes for an easier crash when it all comes to an end (because it will). When it comes down to it, hindsight is 20/20 and you don’t want to be swallowing the bitter pill of regret when Tuesday arrives.

So before the weekend commences, here’s a little video on how much of something (legal or not) can kill you:

Looks like your lucky number is 13

Pace yourself, and watch the ABV

Drinking your buddy under the table doesn't change the fact that having too much alcohol too fast can kill you, so you should thank your lucky stars for a liver that hasn't quit on you (unlike your last ex).

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Planning to gargle the Gentleman’s Mouthwash by noon? Give your liver and bloodstream a bit of time to adjust by sipping your beer (no need to stick your pinky out, sir) like a tito, unless you plan to be slurring by sunset or doing a Steve Carrell impression:

“Beer before liquor, never been sicker; liquor before beer, you’re in the clear” is a myth, and this article calls b*llsh*t on 12 other myths.

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Stay hydrated, and cool 

There’s a bigger chance you’ll die from dehydration than starvation, and with enough alcohol in your system (because alcohol is a diuretic) in this insane tropical summer, it's a definite possibility. Vodka and water may both be clear, but its clear as day only the latter can keep you hydrated.

Feed thyself and lay off the Red Bull

As long as you pack some nosh into that belly and lay off the sugary, caffeinated drinks, you should make it just fine for Day 2, 3, and finally, 4.

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When you’re given an extra 24 (or in this case, 48!) hours of indulgence, then its safe to assume that by Tuesday, you’ll emerge out of your bed in a state that can only be described with this gif:

Slow and steady don’t win this race

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Not unless you play by these rules. Here’s how to emerge out of your long weekend as painlessly as possible.

Get a Head Start

Preempt the sepanx (or the regret, who knows) by getting up early. “I’m not a morning person” is an excuse that’s as dated as Raymond Gutierrez’s pre-Century Tuna body.

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Starting early jumpstarts your system and sets you up for an early night in, which means your sleep cycle gets back on track as well.

Feed your body

Feed it with the good stuff: with water and an energizing breakfast that’s light enough to keep you from wanting to nap once you get to work.

Thought we were gonna suggest the Master Cleanse? Uh, hell no.
That shiz is just as effective as Paul Rudd’s Sex Panther Cologne

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If you enjoyed some sleepness nights over the weekend, back off from the caffeine until after lunch, and save your rice meals (like the ever-reliable –silog) for lunch or we guarantee you’ll be caught stacking your forehead on your forearms by 2pm.

Addicted to caffeine? Brew green tea instead and get some antioxidants in your system.


Your liver deserves a breather, so supplement your diet with nutrient-rich liver helpers and give it a boost: B Vitamins will be your post-bender best friend, so never leave home without popping a B Complex, or putting a fixxy Berocca in your morning glass of agua. A little Vitamin C never hurts, especially if said bender leaves you feeling under the weather.

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Get moving

Already got a fitness routine? Then you know there’s no such thing as “easing back into it." If you haven’t, consider this: working out post-binge might be the perfect way to start.

Just accept it, the first day back to doing anything is always gonna be painful, so why die another day when you could get it over with today?

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Stretch (or let someone do it for you)

Ever get the feeling of needing a vacation from your vacation? The best solution: book an at-home massage that’ll have you going:

While this may be a luxury in first-world countries (where massage therapy involves having to get a license, thus the higher rates), living in the Philippines means quality home massages are dirt cheap, and we suggest you take advantage.

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It’s been said before: It’s all fun and games till someone loses an eye (or misses their period)... so we hope you follow these words to the letter. In the words of the great Ron Burgundy...


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