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What's This 'Suntukan Sa Ace Hardware'?

Proof that there are people who have all the time in the world
by John Paulo Aguilera | Mar 30, 2016
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You've probably ran into this ridiculously headlined event on your Facebook feed today:

"Suntukan sa Ace Hardware"

Of course, the curious cat in you will open the tab bearing a conspicuous banner of an exchange between a customer and an attendant from the retail store. And then you'll notice that five of your friends have already committed to attending or have shown interest in this peculiar affair.

But what in the world is this supposed heated brawlfest really about? How was it able to attract the attention of 19,411 attendees and draw the interest of 14,895 more (and counting)? This edition of the FHM Explainer will try its best to shed light on this overnight meme-sation.


Unfortunately, the projected free-for-all is just a congregation of netizens who have all the time in the world. Created by a Facebook page that has an NSFW name, the fictional event was meant to be another avenue for "patrician" humor, a form of amusement that borders on the utterly absurd and explicit.

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What the page's administrator likely didn't expect was "Suntukan sa Ace Hardware" trending, which allowed "normies" (in Internet parlance, someone who jumps on mainstream bandwagons) to gatecrash the then-exclusive zone and ultimately, spoil the fun. These plebeians put up attention-seeking polls and write unoriginal comments for self-gratification.


Initially, participants of the dubious fracas had not been identified. Until those who enlisted came up with names like Ghost Fighter's Taguro, actor Baron Geisler, and other popular hotheads.

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Even politicians like presidential candidates Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte and former DILG Secretary Mar Roxas were thrown into the mix. Maybe this will be the perfect venue for their highly anticipated slapfest... 


April 15, 3 p.m.

We're surprised it wasn't scheduled on the first day of April; meaning the people behind this are (somewhat) dead serious. While ostensibly improbable, we have 15 days to find out if the battle royal will indeed happen. That is if clamor for this farcical main event hasn't fizzled out by then.

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One compelling detail of the made-up melee is its supposed location, which is the Ace Hardware branch at SM City Lucena. We're still searching for the store's contact number but for sure the phones in the tool depot have been ringing nonstop.



The real question is, why did a ludicrous joke like this even took off? Does the unexpected rise of this far-out concept say something about the online habits of this generation?

If anything, it seems that those who signed up for the event were basically intrigued with all the racket. Seriously, who wouldn't be coerced to check out—even just for a couple of minutes—an item on his/her news feed with a title as upfront as "Suntukan sa Ace Hardware"?

Whether they understood (or not) the mindless banter that the discussion boards have offered, these people are entitled to stick their nose into anything that's moving online (in the case of social media, upward or trending), especially with its fickle nature.

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Ergo, "Suntukan sa Ace Hardware" is just like your regular meme, only much more radical and blown up.


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