If we’re lucky, a bunch of needles, bloody tooth extractions, and tuli are the nastiest medical procedures we’d have to deal with in our lifetime. But if you do need some special help, then you’d better man up fast because in a ranking of procedures that make us go “nope,” those three are the surgical equivalents of ripping off a band-aid.
Here are other procedures that are NOT the equivalent of ripping off a band-aid. Often, your doctor will explain these operations to you in their most perfect bedside manner so that you won’t contemplate just ending it.
But we’d rather you get scared so that you’d care about your health in the first place. In order to do that, we spoke to a couple of medical students for a no-filter response (right now, they can still do that). Grab your ankles, this is gonna hurt.
What is it according to Wiki: “A craniotomy is a surgical operation in which a bone flap is temporarily removed from the skull to access the brain.”
Why you need one: You have tumors or lesions (any abnormal tissue damage) from diseases, traumatic brain injury such as hematomas (think giant blood clots) since you thought helmets and seatbelts weren’t necessary, for example.
What it's really like: “Hindi ko makakalimutan yung nagtanggal kami ng tumor sa ulo... memorable siya kasi ang tagal niya—buong eight hours shift nakatayo kami pero di pa rin siya tapos. Bukod dun, talagang nakita namin yung brain, tapos habang inoopera papunta dun sa tumor (nasa gitna kasi ng brain yun) sobrang baho ng operating room. Amoy sunog na laman.” —Al, BS Nursing
What is it according to Wiki: “A colostomy is a surgical procedure in which an opening (stoma) is formed by drawing the healthy end of the large intestine or colon through an incision in the anterior abdominal wall and suturing it into place.”
Why you need one: This is usually needed when a portion of your large intestine has to be removed either due to cancer, obstruction, or perforation. In those situations, doctors need to remove the affected areas of the colon and suture together the remaining healthy portions.
What it's really like: “They bring out a portion of the small intestine out through the skin in the abdomen and tie that to a bag. And basically, that's where your shit will go.” —AE, 4th year Med
INTRAOPERATIVE BRAIN MAPPING
What is it according to Wiki: “Brain mapping is the study of the anatomy and function of the brain and spinal cord through the use of imaging.”
Why you need one: Again, a tumor that affects sensitive parts of your brain like those for speech and motor coordination. The patient must be awake so that the medical team can ask the patient to perform tasks such as speak or move body parts so they can map which areas of the brain are affected. This also helps determine the functional capacity of the remaining areas once the tumor is removed.
What it's really like: “This is otherwise known as 'Awake Brain Surgery.' First, the anesthesiologist provides sedation via gas or intubation through the nose. While the patient is asleep they saw open the skull and open the layers above the brain matter. They attach electrodes to different regions of the brain to map functioning areas. Then they awaken the patient. Of course, they provide significant analgesia to ensure no pain is felt. The patient is then asked to perform tasks while his/her skull is open and the brain is exposed as they map cerebral activity...[Basically it’s gross because] your skull is cracked open. They wake you up. Everyone can see your brain except you.” —AE, 4th year MedWhat
This story was originally published in the August 2017 issue of FHM Philippines.
Minor edits were made by the FHM.com.ph editors.