WORDS: Allan P. Hernandez
PHOTO: Jun Pinzon
Suddenly, you have P1.5 million in your hands. It could have come from the devil, but you didn’t steal, kill, or destroy for it—top three on hell’s to-do list. Neither did it come from God, because He knows you’ve been a very bad person to deserve such a windfall. It’s just there, and you have no choice but to spend it.
No problem. Buy this car, the Mitsubishi Galant 240M, and never be treated like scum again.
This is one of the few things where money does buy you respect. The car itself knows you’re minted and so doesn’t fall short in looking posh. Outside, you’ve got the longest and the widest sheet of metal put together as a car currently out in the market. You’ve got bright and alert HID lamps that come standard, and that three-diamond Mitsubishi badge is the largest we’ve seen yet (you can almost snatch it off of the grille and use it as a ninja weapon).
Inside, you’ve got an ultra-hush cabin big enough for three obese Congressmen at the back and one hot secretary up front. Or four hot secretaries at the back and one obese Congressman at the front. Plush leather all over and darkwood in the right places. It’s got an impossibly huge dashboard Mr. Congressman can prop his legs up and wiggle his toes behind the windshield for all to see. Plus a sunroof for him to expose half his torso out to wave to people in the event of an election.
For the lucky driver: 2.4 liter MIVEC engine, responsive to quick starts and aggressive passing. Minimal exhaust emissions. And 4 speed INVECS-II automatic transmission with Sportronic—clutchless gear changes in + or -. A real no-brainer.
You know, with an executive car like this, you could run for Congress despite zero knowledge. Or just be the respectable man you are. If you pass by a bank and the guards don’t open your door for you, rob the goddamn bank.