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Mar 14, 2013
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We’ll keep this brief: God of War: Ascension just came out, a prequel to God of War detailing Kratos’s descent from angry man to very, very angry man. The ultra-violent series known for cool beheadings (and a dozen or so disarming, classy dismemberment, ultra-painful flaying, and kebab-style kills) and mythological tales fueled by A-grade vengeance now takes us back to Kratos's past and and looks at the events that inspired this Spartan to become a god-killing-machine. 

Of course, there is only one way to celebrate such a bloody occasion: we recall Kratos’s Top 10 moments of brutality. Is it really possible to boil it down to a ten-list? Given that it's Kratos we're dealing with, choosing favorites was as hard as defying Zeus himself, but hey, here we are. Possibly NSFW, so if you can't bear fingernails being pulled out, avert your eyes now. Mortal Kombat, eat your heart out.

1) Enter Hydra

Normally, you save the cool shit for later. But unlike the Hydra’s level in that surprisingly good Hercules action game on the first PlayStation (anyone remember that game? anyone?), God of War starts off with a bang against one of the coolest creatures those crazy Greeks came up with. The finishing move is fair warning for the gory atrocities to come!

2) The A(res)-Bomb

Why was it satisfying to kill the original God of War? Well, it’s always fun to kill the game’s big baddie and he was a certified ass for tricking Kratos into killing his family. Also: because of mushroom clouds.

3) Visions of Poseidon

Imagine if GoW was done in first-person, it’ll probably be like an ultraviolent Skyrim. It’ll probably make us sick too, if what happened to the God of the Seas is any indication.

NEXT: Headless Helios, death by door slam, and one really big calamari party!