This summer's ultimate monster movie, Godzilla, absolutely crushed the box office in its opening weekend, gobbling up $93.2 million in the U.S., and $103 million internationally. That's a lot of millions.
And in Hollywood, all those millions translate to a few things: happy producers that are already planning a Caribbean vacation, and a sequel that has been all but guaranteed. The U.S film industry has found its newest cash kaiju, and yes, Godzilla 2 is totally happening.
Is it too early to get hyped? Nah-uh, say we. In the spirit of videogame mash-ups like Marvel Vs. Capcom, and movie disasters like Alien Vs. Predator, here we've come up with ideas for the next Godzilla movie. Specifically: What pop culture monster should our mega lizard tussle with next? Definitely not King Kong because those two have already settled their issues, and have been in amiable terms since 1962:
1) The Kraken from Pirates of the Caribbean
Origin story: Legendary pusit grows to legendary size by feeding on quirky pirates that like wearing eye makeup.
Potential plot: Godzilla attempts to add to his "good deeds" list by hunting down pirate ships across the globe. The pirates decide they've had enough, and as is standard in all Kraken stories, the magic words are then uttered: "Release the oversized mollusk!"
Who wins: The movie almost devolves into tentacle hentai territory before Godzilla puts a stop to it.
2) Cthulhu from the 1928 H.P. Lovecraft short story The Call Of Cthulhu
(Image via xploregaming.com)
Origin story: A malevolent alien entity that looks like a Kraken tried eating the head of a giant gargoyle. It resides underwater in the South Pacific in a dormant state.
Potential plot: After a routine monster fight, Godzilla accidentally trips as he returns to the sea, causing a massive tidal wave that wakes up his next opponent: Cthulhu.
Who wins: Remember the saying, "Awayin mo na ang lasing, wag lang ang bagong gising"? Godzilla learns it the hard way.
3) Galactus from Marvel comics
Origin story: A god-like Marvel villain whose favorite snacks are planets. He also has a silver sidekick whose hobby is surfing.
Potential plot: The Avengers lose the battle against Galactus because of petty quibbling between Iron Man and Captain America. Nick Fury then unleashes his secret, secret plan, and wakes up Godzilla, who has actually been put in cryostasis since the '50s...only to be unleashed against Galactus.
Who wins: Still Galactus
4) Metal Gear Ray from Metal Gear Solid
Origin story: An amphibious super-robot with missiles, lasers, and a unique penchant for getting hijacked by no-good sea pirates.
Potential plot: A bunch of no-good pirates hijack the ship transporting Metal Gear Ray, only to find out that they've actually hijacked the ship transporting Godzilla that has been put in cryostasis since the '50s. They accidentally wake Godzilla up, who goes into "Who-the-hell-woke-me-up?" rampage mode that continues well into every disaster movie's favorite city to trash, New York.
To stop the chaos, the government calls upon their secret weapon, Metal Gear Ray, marking the first time it was actually put to good use.
Who wins: After a super-epic exchange of laser beams and atomic blasts, both lie dead in the fiery rubble that once was...Central Park.
These crazy battles are over 9000!
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Spoilers ahead—read at your own risk