Mila Kunis is the chosen one in the Wachowskis' Jupiter Ascending. She's our chosen one as well, but for another set of reasons.
Mila Kunis is every man’s ultimate babe fantasy. Aside from being one of the most bankable actresses in Hollywood, the fact that she’s inherently sexy, hilarious, and looks like she can chill and knock back a few shots of tequila with the boys only makes her case stronger.
It’s no surprise then that the Wachowskis (of Matrix fame) decided to cast the Russian-blooded stunner in their latest sci-fi fantasy, Jupiter Ascending, which hits local theaters on February 5. The movie stars Channing Tatum as a gravity-defying-roller-blading alien warrior named Caine who saves and falls in love with Jupiter (Kunis), a reincarnated earthling who is actually a galactic noble.
If it sounds complicated and farfetched, that’s because it is. The flick is a hot cosmic mess souped-up on impressive CGI and draws from a screenplay that seems to have been written by a grade-schooler with an overactive imagination, and entertains in the form of batshit-insane ridiculousness.
The saving grace, however, is the smokin’ Mila Kunis, whose appearance onscreen (wait 'til you see her various body-hugging costume changes) is enough to distract from the explosion of space-faring absurdity.
This, however isn't the only time she lit up a fire inside us. Below are nine other times the dark-haired honey flicked your switch and stole the show!
MOMENT #1: EVERY TIME SHE WORE THOSE TIGHT-ASS BELLBOTTOMS ON THAT '70s SHOW
Although her character Jackie was a whiny, annoying pain in the butt, she always made up for it with those tush-hugging denims. As Kelso’s (real-life husband and baby-daddy Ashton Kutcher) shallow nightmare of a girlfriend, Kunis embodied the horrific neediness and materialism all men dread no matter what the decade. Of course, she still looked pretty groovy while she was at it.
Also groovy: that time when she put on this nice little bikini in the show:
MOMENT #2: AEROSMITH’S “JADED” MUSIC VIDEO, WHERE SHE MADE YOU FORGET ABOUT STEVEN TYLER’S GROSS LIPS
The best thing about Aerosmith music vids is that they know how to choose their leading ladies. For good reason, no one wants to stare at Tyler’s gums as he tries to spew saliva through the monitor. Alicia Silverstone, daughter Liv, and Mila have all been muses for the glam rock gods. And here, Kunis musically tugs at your heartstrings in all her sulky gorgeousness.
She first appears at 0:33:
MOMENT #3: THE MOMENT YOU FOUND OUT SHE VOICES MEG ON FAMILY GUY
Admit it, you’ve had wet dreams about Meg Griffin since. How could such a perfect specimen of the female form voice one of cartoons’ most weird, abused, and sorry characters? Thank you, Seth MacFarlane, for royally screwing us up.
MOMENT #4: WHEN SHE ASKED ZOE SALDANA WHAT HER PUSSY TASTED LIKE IN AFTER SEX
For giving her an answer to that query, Zoe, mankind is forever grateful.
Video via ThaDarkside666
MOMENT #5: WHEN SHE SHOWED US HER SPIT-SWAPPING SKILLS IN DATE NIGHT
As hardened criminal Whippit, she and James Franco evade the long arm of the law a la Bonnie and Clyde, living on the edge and pissing off Steve Carrell and Tina Fey in the process. The other unlawfully enticing aspect of this character: her pro-level tonsil hockey skills!
Video via OfficialDateNight's channel
MOMENT #6: HER STEAMY SHOWER SCENE IN BOOT CAMP
No one probably saw this straight-to-DVD movie about teens sent to an Orwellian rehab facility for the misguided youth. But hey, don’t worry about its heavy-handed premise. Mila gets wet and wild for a portion of it.
Video via chandahenrici8730
MOMENT #7: THAT SCENE WHERE SHE CHALLENGED KRISTEN BELL TO A SEX BATTLE IN FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL
What’s better than having actual sex? The answer: competing in an all-out sex war! Kunis, together with co-stars Kristen Bell, Jason Segel, and Russel Brand, displays her wall-busting moaning ability as she gets down and dirty for this crass, rib-tickling rom-com.
Video via nogoodtv
MOMENT #8: WHEN SHE MADE US ALL WISH WE HAD A FUCK BUDDY IN FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS
Don’t you just hate Justin Timberlake? He’s a gajillionaire who, in the midst of selling a planet’s worth of albums, juggles his time being a decent actor and playing hubby to the sultry Jessica Biel. Also, the lucky bastard was able to do this…
MOMENT #9: THAT TIME SHE DROPPED ECSTASY AND TOTALLY WENT LESBIAN ON NATALIE PORTMAN IN BLACK SWAN
Dark, brooding, psychosexual thrillers should always only star ingénues who are as gorgeous and experimental as they are talented and attractive. The paranoia-filled ballerina world that Kunis and Portman inhabited in the film tested their patience for one another. Tension brewed and personalities clashed, climaxing in an orgasmic union of good and evil. And naturally, audiences (guys, especially) were more than happy just to play witnesses.
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