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Sep 25, 2012
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If we were to pick an appliance that we’d never ever want to encounter in a dark alley, the refrigerator probably wouldn’t figure high on the list. For many a midnight eater, there could be no better friend than a well-stashed bahaw-preserving icebox. It keeps the ice cream solid, and the water cool, which are just a few reasons why we love it.

Yet, in Ishmael Bernal’s Pridyider episode, which was a part of the original Shake, Rattle N Roll in 1984, Pinoys from the '80s saw just how menacing a fridge could be. Allow a demon to possess it, and you’ve got yourself a killing machine as efficient as the Terminator.

Now, the legendary ref has been resurrected in a new film directed by Rico Ilarde, and stars actress-on-the-rise/newest hot momma Andi Eigenmann, and Pridyider alumnus Janice de Belen. Andi plays Tina Benitez, who’s returning home from an overseas trip to live in the house she had inherited from her parents. There the evil ref reigns, feasting on anyone who’s dumb enough to come near a dubious-looking antique appliance.

The film opened last week, September 19, which had given us enough time to devote enough mind-power to the all-important question, “What could be scarier than a refrigerator?” Well, here are five nightmarish appliances, along with accounts of how they plan to make life miserable for you. We'll be waiting for your offer to buy these ideas, Mother Lily!

1) Maykroweyb

You're spending another night gathering dust at home, doing just about nothing, which usually entails a couple trips to the fridge looking for anything you can munch on, preferably pizza. Lucky you, a stray slice of pizza squeezed behind a carton of milk meets your gaze, hidden there by your crafty little brother saving it for the morning. You reach for it, slap it inside the microwave, setting it to two minutes. The timer goes 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, ding! You press the door-eject, and nothing happens. Twice. Thrice. Still nothing. And just when you're about to get the crowbar, the oven restarts the heating process, setting itself automatically to 99 minutes. It's gonna fucking char it and all you can do is watch it spin for what seems like forever. When the horror ends, you shrug it off, and head towards the ref again only to be hit by a most startling revelation: that was the last slice. F-ck!

                       Okay, so there's another last slice. Good luck snagging it from this dude though.

2) Plantsa

The obvious ending to any horror story involving a flat iron is a face getting melted and, invariably, lots of screaming. In this story, that happens, too. But not without the iron torturing the owner of said melted face first by tying down his hands and feet with its cord, and then burning his favorite "I'm With Stupid --->" shirt and the only pair of skinny jeans in his closet.

                                                Above: Totally real photographic evidence

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Next: Washeeng Masheen, Erkon, and Kompyuter


WORDS BY GELO GONZALES
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