"Two bottles lang" is a myth most men believe in before going out for a drink. It's an excuse dudes tell their wives and girlfriends to assure them that it's going to be a real short night out with the boys. Yes, that phrase should come with 25 laughing emojis. And guys say it to their buddies when they feel like grabbing a couple of cold ones before ending the day or, more likely, just to fire each other up before hitting the pub. More often than not, like 99.9% of the time, a man's self-imposed two-bottle rule gets broken. Dismantled, even.
For some reason, we think picking between buying another round or walking away after finishing that second drink is so important a decision that we only have a split-second window to pull the trigger. Before we even realize it, we've already succumbed to the imaginary pressure that we imposed upon ourselves. One second ago, we were contemplating on calling it a day, then, after a few hours of good conversation with the rowdy buds, we're chugging it down like Stone Cold Steve Austin at 1am on a weekday.
So, why do we lie to ourselves when we say, "two bottles lang"? It's time to unpack the myth. Because aside from the simple fact that men just fucking revel in drinking, a two-bottle session turns into an all-nighter because of these 8 crucial factors:
1. Minsan lang 'to!
When a guy is about to leave and one of his pals raises an argument for him stay in the form pa-konsensya phrase “minsan lang to," chances are, he’ll sit back down, reluctantly at first, give in to his friend's plea. But even if we’re only talking a week or just days before you see that pal of yours again, the “minsan lang ‘to” reasoning still holds weight. Your friend needs you. So it's a must that you stay for a little longer. Maybe three hours longer, at the very least. Men are such good friends.
2. Another bottle won't hurt
What’s the difference between consuming two bottles of liquor and downing three? But the thing about that third bottle is, it's the gateway to a drinking spree that you may or may not have been hoping for all along. There’s a thin line between a chill night out and a walwalan sesh—chugging bottle number three you crossing that line. It's unicorn-rare that someone can walk that line and not tip over into John Lloyd Cruz "artistic" territory.
3. Uy, may pulutan pa o!
Alcohol and pulutan go hand in hand like unintentionally funny statements and Asec. Mocha. And there's no such thing as "two bottles" when guys see something savory and scrumptious on the table. Leaving a delectable set of pulutan unfinished with just two bottles under our belts is similar to turning down a hot date. And it goes on from there. After wolfing down a mouthwatering plate of sisig and perfectly deep fried crispy pata, and we still have plenty to drink, we’ll order more food to go with the liquor. And when the drinks run out and there’s still something to nibble on, well, you pretty much know what will happen.
4. Napasarap ang kwentuhan
This one is probably the most legit reason of the bunch. It all starts with the setting. When you’re in a quaint, relaxing place together with your friends, you’ve got a pretty cool drinking setup. It just pulls you in when the conditions are right, especially when the cast is perfect and the stories are all good. When everything is worth listening to, from the serious stuff down to the straight up ridiculous, we tend to hold on. We just want to stay in the moment. To us, the genuine laughter and the uninhibited emotions brought by alcohol-infused conversations are priceless. Wait, we’re sounding like we’re on our seventh Red Horse, aren’t we?
Sticking to "two bottles" means you'll be the first to take off in a testosterone-filled gathering. We consider that a bad look for us. Either our peers would think of us as a bit wimpy or they'll picture our wives and girlfriends strangling us by the neck—in ancient Filipino slang, it's called "under de saya." How true is this notion? We really don't know but our minds have tricked us into believing that it's all real. Peer pressure. Machismo. Whatever it is, it's primitive. Or to put it nicely, it’s us, paying homage to our caveman roots.
6. Sagot ko, last na!
Everything's going according to plan. After reaching the two-bottle limit, you're all set to go home. That is until... someone in your group goes: "Sagot ko na last round!" Plot twist! All of a sudden you find yourself indebted to your bro who has just taken one for the team. You just have to stay because you really can't leave a good soldier behind. For as long as his wallet allows it, he's the private who tells his mates to go save themselves before detonating a bomb that destroys the enemy's entire army, killing himself in the process. How do you say no to a real hero? He'll probably pull the same stunt a couple of more times before you adjourn. But by then all you'll ever do is give him a salute.
7. Bawi lang!
Sometimes, while you're caressing your second and final beer, the chores in store for you at home and at work flash before your eyes. When you've just gulped that last shot and as it passes down your throat, suddenly, you remember that there are tons of paperwork at your desk or you've agreed the day before to accompany the wife/girlfriend to go shopping this weekend. In response to this existential dread, you'll feel entitled to way more alcohol and purposely go beyond “two bottles” just so to even your odds against the cruelties of this universe. To further justify being out five hours past your bedtime, you envision yourself working doubly hard at the office or behaving like a saint amid the boredom that shopping with the wife/girlfriend will bring. The funny thing is, you might just be able to accomplish all of it, leading you to believe that you’re indeed living a well-balanced life.
8. Reasons, reasons, reasons
Made up or not, there are three effective reasons men use to transition from "two bottles" to an all-nighter without enraging the wife/girlfriend. First, their saying that their boss treated them and wouldn't let anyone leave. This will get the wife/girlfriend thinking that her man's job, and, possibly, a promotion, are at stake, thus, she'll be willing to let this one slide. The second is if a friend surprises the group with a relationship problem so bizarre, that after telling your wife/girlfriend about it, she'd even encourage you to keep your troubled pal company for as long as you must. This one's a pretty solid reason, but guys don't look forward to mixing drinks with drama. Lastly, men get to squeeze in a bunch of extra shots before heading home when they use traffic as an excuse. Given the sad state of transportation in this country, hanging out for a while to let terrible traffic subside is very much acceptable. If you're exaggerating the road situation, however, just be sure that the wife/girlfriend is not keen on taking to the internet to check out what's really going on. Keep in mind not to get yourself into these circumstances excessively or else, made up or not, the wife/girlfriend will get fed up.
So, which of the 8 factors relates to you the most? Holler at us and let's talk about it over "two bottles."