It’s Facebook o’clock, which means it’s time to check whether you garnered any likes for that thing you posted earlier. Notifications: 1 Like. From your mom’s friend who is constantly online and starts her liking spree by 6 a.m. When did you get so unpopular?
Facebook is a place where everyone can show the best version of themselves. You can edit and tweak to your heart’s content so that nobody would ever have to think you’re anything but a unicorn who doesn’t fart. And we, the people, like this. This is okay. Like Kim Kardashian's selfies, these things do no harm! But you’re an adult and the world is going to have a hard time taking you seriously if you still act like you’re younger than Taylor Swift.
The following kinds of posts are pretty much the digital equivalent of still living in your parents’ house. Try to avoid them and perhaps your feed will look more mature!
1) High School-Level Cryptic Posts
In a time when you have to worry about bills, insurance, and how old you’d be when your kid goes to college, it’s embarrassing to be seen authoring vague posts on Facebook. Actually, it’s pretty embarrassing at any age as its real life equivalent is "parinig." Also don’t ask for prayers or announce somebody’s in the hospital without saying why! These things make people curious so just tell the whole story instead of keeping people guessing.
2) Spewing Political Rants
Yes, your opinions are better than everyone else’s. Yes, your experience trumps the experience of other people. Yes, your president is better than Harry Potter himself. Yes, we see that you made it public and you want us to share it on our own walls. Elections are over. Stop campaigning.
3) Love Your [Whatever] Challenge, Then Tag Others To Do The Same
Here’s the thing: Challenges are generally frowned upon. Anything that puts anyone in a competitive mood, however innocent and “for funsies lang,” is bound to be annoying. The recent Love Your Spouse Challenge put a lot of people in the spotlight, and shared photos they already regularly share whenever their partner has a birthday. Not everyone appreciated it.
Unfortunately, this is still a thing that happens. Don’t brag about the IWC on your wrist by sneaking it into the frame of your "self-deprecating pot belly"! Just straight up brag about it! You’ll be hated less.
5) The Facebook Memory Trap
Facebook’s “On This Day” feature is a hit among nostalgia nuts, nevermind if it isn’t Throwback Thursday. Reminiscing is fine in small doses, so keep it at a minimum! Some people have been sharing too much that their feeds have become a mere echo of their Facebook past. You have to wonder if next year, they’d be sharing that they shared the year prior. Shareception!
6) Chain Letters
As an adult, you should know that you can only achieve something through hard work. Chain letters, or anything that requires to be passed along in order to work are best left circulating grade school lockers. The worst offenders are the ones who open with “no one will read this but…” then wrap up with “copy and paste, don’t just share.”
7) Asking For More Candy Crush Lives
It’s not unusual to be Facebook friends with colleagues and bosses but maybe don’t let your Facebook-connected games post on your behalf during office hours? As for Candy Crush… that ship has sailed. At least try to play something more current!
8) 'Which TV/Movie Character Are You?' And Other Quizzes
So you scored a perfect 15 on “How Well Do You Know The Lines From Star Wars?” and want to share your amazing feat. Don’t. Facebook isn’t Livejournal and also, no one cares.
9) Bogus Or Unconfirmed Information
So you read that Mars is shrinking and is headed straight to Earth. 500 people have shared it so it must be true. Before you hit that share button yourself, you need to be reminded that not everything that is on a website is legitimate, and not all websites are meant to be taken seriously.
10) If A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words, How Much Is A Picture Of Words Worth?
Nothing ruins someone’s day quite like the hackneyed platitudes in image form. Why is it an image if it’s just a bunch of words?