After four films—the first three were quite entertaining, the fourth not so much—Milla Jovovich is back in Resident Evil: Retribution as Alice, the zombie ass-kicking femme fatale of your unsung nerdy fantasies. After the events that transpired in Resident Evil: Afterlife, the T-virus has gone global and Alice wakes up in an underwater facility owned by the Umbrella Corporation. She tries to escape with the help of an extraction team hired by Albert Wesker, but the system (and a shit-load of the brain-hungry infected) isn’t going to make things easy.
Though watching the undead get beaten to a pulp by someone as stunning as Jovovich can be fun, it can get repetitive…and boring. This fifth RE film has its exciting moments, like an intense dream sequence where Alice’s former life is shown. But the rest of it just feels rehashed. The people behind these movies are either a) trying to turn audiences into mindless zombies, or b) think that audiences are actually mindless zombies who just don’t give a flying fuck.
So instead of helping raise the dead, here are six reasons why this movie franchise should go six feet under…and stay there.
1. WHAT? THIS IS A NEW RESIDENT EVIL?
If you put all the films side-by-side, you’ll probably notice that the only thing that changes is Milla Jovovich’s haircut and attire. Granted, zombie flicks have a certain formula—survivors hacking it out as the undead try to get a hold of their flesh. All the movies simply involve Alice’s thirst for survival. But empathizing with her character has become impossible because, to put it bluntly…
2. MILLA JOVOVICH AS ALICE IS UNSTOPPABLE
And that takes away all the fear and suspense, since the movies have built her up to be somewhat of an indestructible individual. This isn’t a computer game where both fear and suspense are born from the fact that you have control over the character’s life. A little mortality couldn’t, ehem, hurt. Not only is she a dynamo with firearms, she’s also capable of going Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon on anyone's ass. Which brings us to the convenient fact that…
3. THEY NEVER RUN OUT OF BULLETS
As hordes of the infected zone in on the humans, they shoot and fire in blatant defense. And just when you think they’ve run out of ammo, there’s another gun, hidden in some leg or some inside jacket pocket. The franchise has literally become nerve-wracking and noisy from all the gunfire. And when they aren’t engaged in mind-numbing action, you can get a good chomp off the…
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