Let’s first state the obvious: VIDEOGAMES ARE #AWESOME.
It’s a place where we hurl fireballs at turtles and save a princess, a place where we ride huge-ass battle mechs and shoot the crap out of people, and a place where we become a spiky-haired emo soldier trying to figure out who’s the hotter chick: the bartender (Tifa!) or the flower girl (Aeris!).
Then there’s real life—pretty much a let down.
When you think about it, one of the things that make a v-game world a fun place to live in (aside from the big-bewbed babes with a distaste for sensible clothing) are the power-ups. Whether it’s clearing the stage faster or beating the bejesus out of a boss, it’s always the power-ups that make a v-game experience go from “OOOH” to “WHOOOOAAA!”
So don’t you just wish you could have those power-ups in real life?
And that's why we're here—to hope that the universe will one day throw us one of Mario's mushrooms, as we list down some of the coolest v-game power-ups we wish we have IRL!
1) THE POWER-UP: RED MUSHROOM
VIDEO GAME: Super Mario Bros. series
WHAT IT DOES: It makes a small Mario bigger and taller.
THE GOOD: It makes anyone TALLER. In a country where the average male height is 5’.37” (damn, we’re short) and where basketball is the most popular sport, this power-up can help Filipinos be more competitive in international bball competitions. Because #PUSO + Height = FIBA World Cup champs.
THE BAD: Our Filipino-sized, already crowded public transport rides (i.e. jeeps, buses, and MRT) will even get more crowded thanks to the mass overnight growth spurt!
2) THE POWER-UP: CHICKEN
VIDEO GAME: Tekken 6 (Scenario Campaign)
WHAT IT DOES: Restores a huge chunk of health to a character that just got its ass kicked big time. As seen below, it also comes in egg and chick varieties:
THE GOOD: Did you just get a whoopin’ in the first round of boxing or MMA? Ditch the power drink and eat this to bounce back. It replenishes any health you’ve lost by simply touching it (no chewing required) and lets you pull-off your wicked techniques even if you’ve been hit with a roundhouse kick to the face.
THE BAD: God help our police force if this falls into the wrong hands.