In terms of scope, hype and general gamer noise surrounding it, CD Projekt Red's The Witcher 3: The Wild Hunt could very well be 2015's Grand Theft Auto V. You'll have to trade in GTA's sprawling metropolis for a medieval-era playground, and the goons and guns for creatures of myth and swords; but at the core, the two aren't all too dissimilar. Both offer a digital vacation to beautiful open-world sceneries, stacked with quests to do, money to earn, and rides to hop on (steeds in The Witcher, wheels in GTA).
The two also have been featured in our favorite Conan O' Brien geek-segment, "Clueless Gamer," in which Coco attempted to destroy a strip club with a helicopter in GTA and got called a jackass in a brothel in The Witcher. This tells you one thing: Our bro-tagonists in both games have a taste for canoodling with women in places of questionable morality.
That isn't the only thing, however, that male gamers might be able to relate to. We've recently been able to play through the first two or three hours of The Witcher 3: The Wild Hunt on the Playstation 4, which is enough time for the hero, Geralt of Rivia, to dispense a few lessons on how to be a tunay-na-lalake.
1) A man isn't afraid to get his feet dirty, but knows how to clean up well...
...especially in the presence of a lady. And he ALWAYS takes his sweet, sweet time when a bathtub/jacuzzi opportunity arises:
2) He has little patience for insincere apologies from little twerps...
...and old fogies who keep on yapping.
3) Lagi siyang may baon na tinapay at tubig kapag namumundok...
4) ...and he has no qualms over unexpected, exotic scenery that an adventure might offer.
5) Yet, his first order of business when visiting a new place remains a constant: Visit the goddamn watering hole.
6) And when he does get to the tavern, he isn't afraid to make friends with locals—even if sometimes, the said locals aren't too friendly.
7) He's polite enough to listen through an entire old wives' tale...
8) ...and confident enough to look a woman in the eye through an entire conversation.
9) Handa ang boots niya para sa baha...
10) ...and always has a crossbow within arms' reach, just in case an oversized buwitre shows up.
11) But most of all, he knows how to put down all his arms when his main squeeze a.k.a. Kumander No.1 shows up (which in Geralt's case is the sorceress Yennefer, pictured below).
Geralt has a habit of fooling around though, like he does so with his other lover Triss, also a sorceress, pictured below. As to whether this is something you'd wish to emulate, well, just remember that no oversized buwitre is as scary as a woman scorned!
The Witcher 3 is now out for the PS4, the Xbox One, and the PC for P2,495. All images are from the PS4 version except for the last one, which was taken from a trailer for the game.