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May 24, 2014
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So you think you’re a texting speed freak, eh? No matter how fast you think your digits are at poking them smartphone keys, we bet you’re still a slow bro compared to this dude:

Ladies and gents, you’ve just witnessed the record-setting feat of Marcel Fernandez Filho, a 16-year-old dude from Brazil who has just been crowned the fastest texter in the world!

And he did it not by texting “Eow pouhz, wer na u?” or anything more jejemon than that. He typed this nosebleed-inducing sentence instead: “The razor-toothed piranhas of the genera Serrasalmus and Pygocentrus are the most ferocious freshwater fish in the world. In reality they seldom attack a human.” His time: an impressive 18.19 seconds! That’s a quarter of a second faster than the previous record, correct spelling and all!

He had a little bit of help though. You see, he used a Samsung Galaxy S4 with a third-party app called Fleksy. For the clueless, Fleksy is a keyboard app that makes texting faster and easier with its smart predictive text feature. It's like a digital Madame Auring on your phone that accurately predicts what word you’re currently typing, letting you finish sentences with less taps and clicks.

fastest texter in the world
Not taking anything away from our man Marcel here, but you have to wonder how he’ll fare against the master kitikitexters of the late ‘90s when touchscreen phones and predictive text apps were basically non-existent. In other words, your fingers will do all the work.

Still, congrats, bro! You're now a certified Guinness World Record holder! As for the rest of us non-record holders, we'll be content with using jejespeak textspeak to save time and effort. Wala eh, nakasanayan na.