Because we know you're too lazy to open extra tabs in your browser or use the search bar, we've compiled all the gaming news that are relevant to your geeky interests. We've got the latest Lara Croft adventure, the return of Duke Nukem, and the lowdown on the Pokémon GO update you've all been waiting for. Park your butts, because this videogame roundup will make you wish you could just kill the days button-mashing till your fingers are sore.
1) Duke Nukem 3D 20th Anniversary Edition World Tour
It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum as we party like it's 1996 with the definitive update of Duke Nukem. It's far from just a minor graphical spruce-up of the classic FPS. The latest version comes with eight new playable levels, which inject more testosterone-loaded action into the game but retains the retro style of the original. "Hail to the king, baby!"
2) Rise of the Tomb Raider: 20 Year Celebration
Lara Croft is definitely the poster girl for powerful polygonal chicks. What better way to celebrate two decades of badassery than to release an anniversary edition. The game features new modes like Blood Ties, where you explore Lara's manor and uncover her past, and Endurance Mode, a co-op game where you and a pal must survive the harsh elements. The game is out this month on the PC, Xbox One, and PlayStation 4 (which includes PS VR compatibility).
3) Until Dawn: Rush of Blood
The PlayStation VR is coming out in the local market very soon. What better way to road test the VR's capabilities than by checking out Until Dawn and scaring yourself shitless. The VR game takes place in a run-down carnival where you gotta shoot down all sorts of freaky creatures. This is the perfect gift for the bro with an epic case of coulrophobia.
4) Jade Empire: Special Edition
Get your dose of kung-fu martial arts action with Jade Empire— Bioware's 2005 fantasy game that's been ported to the iOS. The Special Edition is based on Jade Empire's PC version that came out in 2007. This enhanced edition added new fighting moves, enemies, difficulty levels, and gave it a graphical upgrade. Hi-yah!
5) Pokémon GO update
Are you frustrated over your inability to nab rare Pokémon? Well, PoGO's latest update increases your chances of catching them thanks to new in-game medals. Some of these achievements are Kindler (catch 200 Fire-type Pokémon), Swimmer (catch 50 Water-type Pokémon), and Punk Girl (catch 10 Poison-type Pokémon). Unlocking an achievement for a certain elemental-type increases your chances of successfully catching its rare versions.
6) Beyond Good & Evil Sequel Confirmed
After more than a decade, the highly underrated action-adventure's sequel is finally in the works. For those who aren't in the know, Beyond Good & Evil is a sci-fi game following the adventures of photojournalist Jade, a member of a subversive press organization that seeks to expose the truth behind their government. A few days ago, concept art was posted on the official BG&E Facebook page featuring a piglet (which fans are speculating could be a young Pey’j A.K.A. Jade’s foster uncle who also happens to be a talking alien pig).
7) Mafia III PC Version
Mafia III takes place in the late '60s and deals with racial strife, the Italian mob, and dirty cops. The PC version will run at 30 frames per second at launch but worry not, because game developer Hangar 13 are currently working on ways to increase the maximum level so you can have the best gaming experience.
8) New VR Game From Metro 2033 Developers
Arktika.1 is a post-apocalyptic shooter that's coming out exclusively on the Oculus Rift next year. What's also interesting is that the game is also compatible with Oculus Touch (which can register hand gestures), making it a truly immersive gaming experience.
9) Sun And Moon Starter Squad Evolutions
And in more Pokémon news, the evolved forms of Grass-type Rowlet, Fire-type Litten, and Water-type Popplio have been revealed. Their upgraded versions are Dartrix, Torracat, and Brionne.
10) Senran Kagura: Peach Beach Splash
What happens when you turn a wet t-shirt contest into a video game and throw sexy female ninjas into the mix? You get the unapologetic fanservice that is Peach Beach Splash, that's what!
The summer edition of the adult ninja game series, is a 5v5 third-person shooter where bikini-clad shinobis chase each other with water guns in hopes of getting their opponent soaking wet. Senran Kagura: Peach Beach Splash will be released in Japan on March 2017, so you might have a long and hard wait ahead of you before it finally *ahem* comes.