Time for your weekly dose of man knowledge, gentlemen! We've got a stellar lineup this week, so read on to learn more about Wonder Woman's sexuality, a scary new video game, and a Pokemon trainer who managed to be the very best (that no one ever was!).
There are few things better than some rich chocolate, especially when you're having a shitty day. And if you need another reason to indulge, scientists claim that chocolate can help you lose excess weight as long as you eat it by no later than 9 AM. That's because chocolate contains flavonoids, which helps in weight loss. Isn't that a great reason to have chocolate cake for breakfast?
If you think you're having a bad day, thank your lucky stars you're not this Aussie dude, whose penis was bitten by a venomous spider while he was taking a dump inside a portable toilet. The clincher: it was his second time to be bitten by that kind of spider in same spot inside a portalet. 'Pag minalas ka nga naman o!
No one likes snooping neighbors—even the chismosa next door can set you off. So Hello Neighbor, a “stealth horror PC game” that will have you breaking and entering inside your neighbor's house, looks like a thrilling one. The best part: The Neighbor's an extremely smart dude who'll do his best to catch you by learning from your mistakes. Sign us up!
In Pokemon news: have you heard about this dude who defeated Elite Four Champion Steven (of Pokemon Omega Ruby/Alpha Sapphire) using only a measly level 1 Rattata? We repeat: A LEVEL 1 RATTATA. Amazing.
Hate your job? Apply for a position at SteelHouse, a marketing and advertising company that pays employees a solid $2,000 A YEAR for vacation purposes. The result: happier employees, with only five people leaving the company in the last three years. Why can't all companies be like this?
And now for some Happy Batman Day news. A private collector just bought the batsuit Christian Bale wore in The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises for around $250,000 during an auction in the UK. Meanwhile, the batpod (that's Batman's motorcycle, FYI) fetched around $406,068. Wouldn't it be cool if the same guy bought both of them and took them for a spin on Halloween?
Love coffee? Then you'll love Stiff Bull, a caffeinated instant drink that can help improve energy levels and reduce fatigue. Another perk: it can also help you maintain an erection due to the Viagra-like properties of Tongkat Ali, one of the brew's ingredients. As long as you don't drink this at work, you should be good!
The final trailer of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is out, and it looks, well, fantastic. Check it out below!
Your lola might make the best cookies, but she still has nothing over Wahida Mohamed Al-Jumaily, an Iraqi housewife who has been busy decapitating ISIS soldiers and cooking their severed heads to avenge the deaths of her father, two husbands, and three brothers (as well as her sheep, her dogs, and her birds). "I'm at the top of their most wanted list," she brags, "even more than the Prime Minister." What a badass!
Disney has announced that they will make a “live-action” remake of The Lion King, and we can't help but have a few questions. Will they use real lions and real Timons and real Pumbas? (we'd love to see the behind the scenes videos of that.) And would it still count as “live-action” if they use CGI effects instead? Enlighten us, Disney!
We don't really care much much for the NFL over here, but we always dig the Super Bowl halftime shows. For 2017, it's going to be headlined by Lady Gaga, so we can all expect a solid spectacle. Exciting!
Wonder Woman has come out as bisexual—something that's not really surprising when you note her place of birth (Themyscira) and the statuesque Amazonian warriors she grew up with and her relationship with Steve Trevor, Superman, Batman. Don't expect steamy threesomes from the 2017 Wonder Woman movie, though!
What's worse than coming home to find that burglars have ransacked your house? Coming home to find said burglars having sex in your living room. Just ask Tennessee resident Jamie Barnes. “Walked in and they’re having sex on my couch,” she narrated. “I pick up my broom, I wanted to hit that man so bad.” Time to move out!