As you guys may already know, boobs are made out of sugar, spice, and everything nice. But then God added another ingredient: Chemical X, and thus the power puff twins were born, using their awesome powers of bounciness to save the world!
We truly believe that a woman's breasts will save the world someday but until that day comes, we’ll be earnestly watching.
So far, here are the things we’ve observed...
1) THERE ARE FOUR TYPES OF NIPPLES
GIF via Giphy.com
Flat – The areolas blend with the rest of their respective breasts and only spring out whenever they’re cold and/or stimulated.
Puffy – Peak-a-boo I see you! They are almost the same as flat nipples, but their areolas just protrude ever so slightly from the breast.
Inverted – Dimple nipples! While this type of nipple varies in terms of "inverted-ness," all of them have the capacity to be erect and lactate.
Unilateral – One of the nipples is either flat or puffy while the other is inverted. Cherish the moment you see a unilateral pair, gentlemen. Few people can claim that boobs have winked at them.
2) THE ELUSIVE THIRD NIPPLE
We’ve all heard jokes about people having three nipples but did you know that this phenomenon is actually real?Approximately 3-percent of the world population have a third or even a fourth nipple! And as gross at it may sound, they can also be milked and can be found anywhere on your skin. Imagine seeing one on someone's behind.
Fun fact: Some people have no nipples! Athelia is a condition where there is no nipple development from inside the womb. While the cause is uncertain, we think this could be the doing of some ninja nipple bandits.
3) D IS FOR DILEMMA
GIF via Betterbrascanada.com
A pair of D-cups can weigh between 15 and 23 pounds. That's quite heavy, which means additional strain on the woman's body when she's doing stuff like running or riding a horse. It may look really enticing, but having big boobs can also be a burden, which is why we salute the ladies who carry on despite this big challenge (pun shamelessly intended).
4) 50 SHADES OF NIPPLES
When stimulated, an areola can become darker because of the blood rushing to that area. However, an erect and/or dark nipple does not always mean she’s ready to go because it can also be caused by tension and stimulation from weird fabrics.
5) SIZE DOESN'T MATTER
GIF via Imgur.com
Even though it would seem logical for bigger breast to have more milk inside (hence, why they are called jugs), that's not the case. Big breasts just have more fat in them, and milk production still depends on other things, like a woman's hormone levels.
6) PERFECT SYMMETRY
During day 14 and 16 of her ovulation cycle, a woman’s breast will be most symmetrical. Try balancing a pencil on your girlfriend’s boobs next time you get the chance to test this one out. Your excuse: for science!
GIF via Xovain.com
We’re going to run by this one real quick since we think you guys are as grossed out as we are. Men can actually produce milk from their nipples if they take medicine with prolactin (the hormone that helps women manufacture milk) and use a breast pump. What's waaay worse though is the fact that some unlucky gents also lactate because of tumors and other neurological problems.
8) SWEETIE’S SWEETIES
Breast milk usually has a somewhat sweet flavor, thanks to the high amount lactose in it. Though we wouldn’t really recommend you going up to your girlfriend with a plateful of cookies and an empty glass, unless you’re into that sort of thing.
9) PUFF PUFF DADDY
GIF via Mic.com
Smoking can be dangerous to breasts so it's wise to cut down on them cigs, girls. Chemicals in cigarette smoke break down elastin (proteins that allow tissues to return to their original shape after they have been stretched or contracted) in your body, potentially resulting to a saggy or weak pair. Oh no!
10) I GOT IT FROM MY MOMMA (OR POPPA)
A woman can inherit her "boob shape" from her maternal or paternal ancestors, which means she might have to go through her whole family tree to know who to blame if she's unsatisfied with her tatas.
In celebration of Stan Smith Day
Nick Oyzon is in the house!
Paging the local government