Bust out the bikini inspector shirts. Bogart that bottle of sunscreen from your sister. And pack your bags. With a 33-degree sun keeping things nice and warm, summer’s arrival is official. And this has us feeling like greyhounds rocketing out of the gates, snouts pointed towards—where else—beaches!
And what better way to kick off this skin-baring season of sweat than with FHM’s two-piece extravaganza, Bikini Heaven, happening at Boracay on the 22nd of March? We hope your tickets have been booked, because you surely wouldn’t want to miss out on all the babe-watching action, of which there will be a ton.
Now, not that you need any sightseeing advice, but here are some tips anyway for you fellow bikini enthusiast to ensure your hunt for eye-candy goes as smoothly as possible.
Keep Your Darkest Pair of Sunglasses Handy
The worst thing you can forget at home (apart from your plane ticket, of course) is your pair of faux-Ray Bans. Keep those hyperactive eyes covered, and keep ‘em chicks wondering if you’re looking their way or not. What fun!
Keep ‘em stashed away in your treasure chest of stalking tools you hide under your bed. These beach beauties aren’t the subject of some National Geographic documentary!
Locate Prime Real Estate
Hereby defined as a comfortable, shaded spot that provides 360-degree vista, is conveniently close to bars and restos, has moderate-to-high babe traffic, and preferably adjacent to the beach volleyball play area.
Go For “Up-Close Observation” From Under Reclined Plastic Beach Chairs
It only seems like a smart idea until that girl you’re peering at through the slits opens her eyes and politely screams: “Heeeelp! There’s a manyak under ng Monobloc!”
Celebrate In Quiet Appreciation
Upon sight of a total stunner, you and the boys will inevitably feel the need to high five and spread fist bumps around. Go ahead, but don’t pull a Garnett, and start hitting your head violently on an imaginary basketball ring post. You’re going to scare off the ladies that way.
Let Your Mouth Hang Open
You know what they say: gawkers are stalkers!
Bring a bottle of water around to fend off the threat of thirst and allow your body to focus on more important matters. You don’t want to suffer from heat stroke, and be the subject of a tabloid headline that reads: “Totoy, Natuyot sa Kaboboso, Patay!”
Drinking beer while watching women is a hot, familiar combo. But as in any situation where alcohol is involved, make sure that you can handle it. Everyone loves drinking, but no one loves a drunk..
NEXT: Your own rating system, and keeping manoy in check!