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Blonde Convention

The best of absurd fiction: God and Satan sue each other, the new treatment for eye bags, and a new use for pubic hairs
by Ronjay Eduvas | Jul 31, 2012
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80,000 blondes meet in a stadium for a “Blondes Are Not Stupid” convention. The leader says, “We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?” A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, “What is 15 plus 15?” After 15 or 20 seconds she says, “Eighteen!” Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!” The leader says, “Well since we’ve gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the worldwide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uhm, I guess we can give her another chance.” So she asks, “What is five plus five?” After nearly 30 seconds the volunteer answers, “Ninety?” The leader is quite perplexed, she looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone else is disheartened, the voluntter blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, “GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!”

The leader, unsure whether or not she is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, “Ok! Ok! Just one more chance: What is 2 plus 2?” The woman closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, “Four?” Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream…“GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!”
Klark Macarasig, by email

ILLUSTRATION BY: MIKKE GALLARDO
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