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Designed for failure

Virgin lies about sexual prowess, unloads in seconds!
| Feb 1, 2007
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We used to gather up and get wasted every weekend in high school. Each of us would usually bring a consort with them (except me). One time, after a few rounds of beer, my bud’s girlfriend came in with her own set of barkada. Then this girl with the long frizzy locks and colossal front panels sat beside me. Because she was a total hottie, my dong naturally turned stiff. I was still pretty naïve then so my naughty pals began teasing me, telling the girl that I’m still a virgin and that I don’t know how to go about the deed. To protect my punctured ego, I dared the girl to make out with me. She surprisingly agreed. We rush to a room and she began kissing me. It was so intense for me then that I banged her right away. I was desperately trying to hold it in but, after a few pumps, it was all over. I failed to satisfy her and she was so pissed. All she can say was, “Badtrip ka naman o...para kang pato!” The next day, as I entered the room, I realized that the word was out. They keep pointing at me and shouting, “ Waaa… andito na yung mayabang na pato!” That episode was a total disaster. Grrrr…

ONENG, CALOOCAN
ILLUSTRATION BY MIKKE GALLARDO